Winter Break

isn't turning out as epic as I planned. I'm stuck at home, sitting around & doing nothing. I look like a chipmunk cuhs I just took out my wisdom teeth. I want to go out. I want to make new memories. I want to have more adventures with my girls. ): Christmas was pathetic; I didn't even spend it with my family. I was planning to go to Disneyland for New Year's Eve with Janice, but I guess that ain't happening anymore. God, I sound like a whining baby. -_- I honestly can't wait for school to start again next week. I miss seeing faces everyday.

mMmMmMmM~

Merry Christmas from Solitaire to you (: ♥

December !

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ~

I am going to be a busy, busy bee this week ! Still have leftover SAT classes on Monday & Wednesday, Janice is kidnapping me for a sister day on Tuesday, tech rehearsal + mini practice on Wednesday, then Christmas concerts on Thursday & Friday ! ^____^ Next week's 4 1/2 days, then winter break. HOEIHOEIHOIE December is going to be bueno for meeeee. (:

ENFERMA.

FUCK BEING SICK. I hate not being able to do anything without feeling like I'm about to die. -_- Random headaches, frog families living in my throat, congested & runny AF nose, body aches, & sensitivity to the cold. Fuuuuuuuuuck. I better be better by Monday. Being sick on your birthday is a deff no bueno.

):

A Deluxe Disneyland pass is honestly all I'm asking for my birthday & Christmas.

Dumb bitches, SMH.

Here's to the ones who say they're not going to "stoop down to my level" & spread shit. You honestly think I'd waste my breath talkin' shit about you ? HAH, think again. And to the ones who say they can't be nice & fake to someone's face ? Mm, nice to know you talk all this shit when my name comes up & yet you always manage to flash me a smile & say "hello." Keep talkin', keep talkin'. You're only making me more famous, dollface. (;

Note to self:

There’s no pause button in life & there’s no way in hell it’s just gonna magically stop for you. It moves on & whether you like it or not, you’re going to have to eventually get the fuck over every little thing that’s thrown at you. Stop QQ-ing.

Happy November !

Started out the month with going to San Diego with Solitaire. ♥ Womp, I love my girls. (: SO excited for competition season to staaaart !

Shit daaaay.

1. I can't stand all the talking during choir - the class or the practices. All the little murmurs & comments about every little fucking thing bugs the shit outta me & I just wanna slap everyone. I mean, I love my girls, don't get me wrong, but there are times where I just want to let them know what they signed up for. This is ADVANCED; we know wsup. We set the example & we shouldn't be known for talking all the damn time. I feel a Vanessa-speech comin' up. I swear to God, I'm gonna lay it on these girls.
2. A year ago from today, I was the happiest bitch alive. Best day of my life, pretty much. Sucks how I can't get it off my mind & it's been eating me all day. Funny how things can change in a year, isn't it ?
3. COLLEGE APPS. 'Nuff said. Shit takes waaay too long to finish. Senior Profile's due in two days & I'm still not done. And I have the fear that I'm not going to make it into any of the colleges that I'm applying for. Fuck it, I'm gonna drop outta high school & just marry rich.
4. SAT scores come out tonight. At 2 fucking AM. Who the hell sends out scores at 2 in the morning !? Ya dunce, kids should be asleep by then. -______________- All I'm asking for is higher than 1800. Please be good to meeee.
   
5. SAT2s next weekend. Haaaaaaaaaah, Literature & Spanish. I haven't studied at all for them & they're probably gonna eat me alive, tambien.
6. I'm still fucking pissed after what you did. I really don't understand why you do the things you do. Thanks for playing with my fucking heart, you idiot. It's a wonder why I still keep you close as fuck & have all these bipolar ass feelings toward you.
   

Oh, college.

You're such a bitch. -____- Actually, I guess it's my fault for stalling this whole time. Fuck, I really need to learn how to prioritize. I'm not even halfway done with my senior profile, I don't know what the fuck a Secondary School Report is, I don't know when all the deadlines for letters of rec are, & I don't know where to find my transcript online. Basically, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing & I'm starting to stress. Greaaaat, this shit WOULD come outta nowhere & slap me in the face now... when EVERYTHING'S about to be due.

And on top of that, shit's changed. Hahaha, I knew it was too good to be true. I can't deal with all this shit at the same time, so I'm done. For now, at least. I'll get back to you after all this college stress is done with. Cuhs for once in my life, I'm actually putting you aside & boy, does it feel buenoooo.

. . .

That was so sudden, it's scary. Like, it was the last thing I would ever think would happen right now. As much as I'm telling myself to be happy it happened, I can't help but feel a little bit guilty & sad. And I want to rush & shit, but I guess I should wait a little for the better, huh ? I donut know. At least now I don't feel as guilty when I'm talking to you. But can you please send better signals ? Cuhs they'd help a bunch.

CHRISTMASCHRISTMASCHRISTMAS.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAH, I'm so excited for Christmas ! ^______^
Making it a mission to put up my tree sometime this week ! I've already started playing Frank Sinatra's Christmas CD around the house & I have my own playlist on iTunes goin' on in case Jonathan decides to blast his stupid kpop. Heeeeehehehehe. & DISNEYLAND ! Apparently Eric Lin can get into Disneyland for free & he promised he'd take me & a buncha other people. HEHEHAHAHOHO. God, I'm so excited. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Branding Iron '10.

Branding Iron was pretty stupid. Screamed my ass off for no reason & ended up with a headache. I still can't believe Walnut won. But whatever, at least we have class. We don't need to stoop down to their pathetic little "Buck Frahmas" shirts. Haaah. Last football game of high school ! (:

Fearless - Taylor Swift.

And I don't know how it gets better than this;
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless.
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless.

Thoughts.

1. Based on a psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love. ← Hahahahahahahaha. Well then.
2. Looking through everyone's HC albums on Facebook had me QQ-ing all over the place. Yeah, I know. I'm pretty fucking pathetic. ): But whatever, at least I'm not suffering from sore thighs ! ^__^
3. SAT1s are over ! Yessss, I'm so happy. But I have Math 2C & Spanish in a month. Meh. I'm not trippin' yet. Watch it hit me super duper hard outta nowhere in a week.
4. I love nice, anonymous formspring-ers. The ones that tell me I'm beautiful or just little phrases of encouragement. They honestly make my shit days better & it really puts a smile on my face. I'd gotten so sick of all the perverted, immature ones & the change is nice !
5. I miss you. Haaaaaaaaaaah. It's almost been a year ! I went through all the pictures I got from people last year & I tried to avoid yours, but it stuck out like a white person in Chinatown. And I'm lowkey hoping you're the one writing cute shit on my FS, but then again, I highkey doubt it. Wompwomp. Please reappear into my life again. ):
6. Choir's going goudaaaa ! The talking still bugs the shit outta me, but the girls are starting to grow on me. Can I just say we're gonna be SUPERIOR this year ?! Fall concert was super bueno. Thanks to all the Marquis people that said we blended well & sounded strong. (:
7. I'm going on another nail polish diet. From next week to January ? But it'll probably be during competition season, too. So... maybe after May ? Oh, sweet Jesus. How will I survive. ):
8. Mad cravin' Boiling Crab's cajun fries. & Bdubs' chicken waaaaangs.
9. I can't believe you went to HC with her. HAHAHAHA. Even though you said you didn't have fun, I kinda think you did. Haaaaah, whatever ! I'm trying really hard to step back, but memories just keep flooding into my head, 'naw what I mean ? Shit sucks & I really wonder if I meant anything to you at one point.
10. Fuck all my AP classes up the butt. ): They take up so much time & I'm pretty much failing both classes. Asdfghjkl;' !
    

Homecoming.

Homecoming hype can SMD. -___- Forever alone, FTW. Though I lowkey wish someone asked, a night at home, bundled up while crying over Nicholas Sparks movies, eating out of tubs of ice cream & other fat foods sounds bueno. QQ. Hopefully prom'll turn out better.
PFFT, YEAH RIGHT. Who the hell am I tryna kid. -________-

Reality check.

It's nice to know who has my back & who doesn't. To know who my true best friends are & who aren't. To know who's worth my time & who isn't. (: All other dumbass pussies, SMH.

Wake up call.

I picked up your phone call last night, because I thought we were gonna actually have a mature conversation. Guess I thought wrong. First of all, you screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, BITCH ?" into my ear ? Excuse me ? I'M the one with the problem ? You're the one who can't look me in the eye when I try to confront your bitch ass. Don't even try to put up a front about how you're "the biggest bitch on tumblr" all the time, cuhs we both know that when the time comes, you hide behind that fucking wall you've built so high up. Pfft, at least I'm not the one who has to hide behind a phone to set shit straight. Second of all, stop bringing shit up from the past. I thought we cleared everything up. I thought we established that the conclusions YOU kept jumping to were wrong. You're pathetic. Always repeating yourself over & over when you have nothing else to say. I'm not trippin', I don't know why the fuck you are. Third of all, fuck you. I don't need you in my life. HAHAHA. I was kinda expecting this. Honestly, you were just a summer friend. And I'm all right with that fact. I knew what my limits were with you, I knew not to tell you anything that has to do with boys, seeing how you always manage to homewreck your "best friends'" relationships. You're the one calling me shady when your bitch ass is the one telling the whole fucking world all these LIES, making them believe you. Stop tryna make MY best friends take YOUR side. And lastly, "honestly, I feel so much more free now that we don't hang out. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you." COOL FUCKING BEANS. (: Cuhs I feel the same way ! If you can't trust me, then I guess that pretty much establishes we shouldn't be friends ? HAHA, dumb bitch.

Your damsel-in-distress bullshit has crossed the line. Honestly, you're fucking pathetic. And you're nothing without me, so good luck. You do realize your other "friends" are just as shady as what you described me; hitting the same person up, acting as if the shit between you two never happened. HAHA, whatever. I'm down to stand by the sidelines watching life fuck you over. (; In all honesty though, thanks. You made me realize that I don't need pathetic, clingy bitches like you to tie me down. Hehehe, walk outta my life; I'm not gonna stop you.

Oh, and you're so cool for being able to hang up on me. I wanna be just like you. Shows how much balls you have, huh ?

Solitaire 10-11.

Second familia, wdup. ♥

One Day - Hans Zimmer.

Random thoughts on my mind:

1. I can’t even bring myself to rant about you anymore. You’ve just crossed my line of respect, so I’m done. Talk shit, get hit. That's all I gotta say to you.
2. HOMECOMING. I want someone to ask me. ): But that's not gonna happen, so should I just go stag ? Should I not go at all ? QQ, man. QQ.
3. It hasn't hit me that college apps are due soon. Or that I have SATs coming up. HAHA. I'm too laid back & that shit needs to change. I fucked up last year, so there's no way in hell I'm gonna be able to get into the colleges I wanna get into. Too many expectations from my parents are pissing me off, too. Bitches needa let me live my own life.
   
4. I miss the summer. The people I shared it with, the places I went, the wonderful weather, the shit that always kept me up, & just all the memories.
   
5. Fall concert's coming up ! Then Christmas concert, and then show choir season. My God, senior year's going by waaay too fast. I'm not ready to leave high school yet. Which is weird, seeing how I'd kill to leave DB.
   

Whoa, bitch.

You need to calm the FUCK down.
I'm not trying to get at him. He's Asian. You know me better than that - I don't try to get at Asian boys. He's shorter than me. You know height is one of the top things I look for in a guy. He knows too many girls. I know better than to try to get at a guy who knows a buncha girls. Just because I hang out with him doesn't mean I like him. I have more guy friends than girls. It's just the way I am. I feel more comfortable with guys cuhs I'm always so fucking DGAF about dumb shit like this. You know I don't like kickin' it with all these girls cuhs girls bring so much drama with them wherever they go. I thought you were gonna be drama free, but I guess not. And just cuhs I have a bunch of guy friends doesn't mean I'm trying to get at each one of them. -___-
Stop saying how fucking shady I'm being when your bitch ass is the one talking shit behind mine. Thanks for going to MY best friend, telling him all this BS about me. I didn't do anything wrong. My bad for not wanting to take sides. My bad for trying to be the middle person & trying to straighten things out between both of you. My fucking bad for not wanting to lose 2 good friends over a dumb subject like this. But honestly, you need to get the fuck over him. It's gotten to a point where it's ruining your sleeping patterns, your friendships, & your trust. You still call me your best friend, yet you can't trust me kickin' it with him every once in a while ? He's my friend - I'm not just gonna blow him off like that. You know I always guilt trip him about what he did to you & what he's doing now. You know I'm doing all of this for your benefit. Yet you still feel the need to call me as "shady as the bitch I talk about".

& YOU. Thanks for just believing her right off the fucking bat. Thanks for not even bothering to talk to me & just assuming that whatever the fuck she says is true. Thanks for being such a dick lately. You had all this shit with her earlier last year. I'd think you'd know better than to trust her. It lowkey hurts how you'd just believe her like that without coming to me to ask to hear my side of the story. Nice to know how I'm not your "best friend" anymore. Haaaaah. I should've known you'd always pick her over me. Shit's fucking ridiculous. It hurts. Really. I don't let shit get to me that often, but my God. This shit is fucking ridiculous. You know I let my guard down with you. Please stop taking advantage of it.

I used to be so fucking DGAF about everything. I put this shit off since the fucking summer. But today it just blew me over the top. I need to set my fucking priorities straight & not let dumb shit like this get to me. It's my fucking senior year. I'm trying to get through this year as swiftly & drama-free as possible and you're not really helping. I need to start giving a fuck every once in a while or else I'm just gonna bottle all this shit up & blow up like a fucking volcano outta nowhere.

Guess who.

1. I don't appreciate you saying I was the one who lied to you when you're being shady as fuck right now. Telling people you know I'm close to what I did ? You deliberately twisted my words around, & now you're going behind my back spreading shit. And you call me one of your best friends, pfffffft.
2. One day, you're gonna realize that I'm not gonna be there for you. Stop feeling the need to depend on me all the time cuhs I'm already starting to bail out on you. I feel like you take me for granted & you don't care about anything else. The world doesn't revolve around you. Please stop thinking it does.
3. I can't believe you'd even listen to #1 up there. Or ask a simple question as that. You know who I am - honestly, I feel like you know me better than myself. And it hurts to know that you'd believe someone that you had shit with before over me. What happened to always being there for me, always sticking up for me, always down to choosing me ?
4. I'm really sorry I bailed on you today. I pulled a #2 & I regret it sososososo much. And I know you said "It's okay" & everything, but I still feel horrible. You're always down to listen to whatever bullshit I have to say & you're there for me. I shouldn't feel the need to blow you off for some dumb bitch. I'm sorry & I loooove you. ♥
5. Talking about you last night made me miss you more than ever. You're gone now; I didn't even get a chance to fix whatever happened between us or say bye. I stare at your screen name every time you sign on, hoping you'd IM me, which is pretty pathetic seeing how I apparently don't have the balls to initiate a conversation.
6. I'm so done with your bullshit, really. It's gotten to an extent where I just drown your voice out with whatever I can get. You don't own me, you're not me. Stop trying to live my life. Don't talk shit about my friends in front of my fucking face without expecting me to blow the fuck up on you. Put me on blast & I'll put you on blast.
7. Stop assuming shit. You don't know the shit I go through every day, yet you always expect the worst out of me. Back the fuck off; my life was never yours to take over. Let me live it for myself. If I fuck up, then I fuck up. Big damn deal - I'll just learn from each mistake. How do you honestly expect me to grow up if you won't let me ?
   

Kanye West ft. Drake & Lupe Fiasco

They say your attitude determines your latitude.
I'm high as a mo'fucker, fly as a mo'fucker.
& still the mo'fucker you love to hate,
but can't because you love what I make.

Excuse me.

You know I love you & you know I'm always gonna have your back. But you're at a point where you keep taking advantage of it & you depend on me all the time. You expect me to just drop everything for you, & it sucks knowing that when the time comes, you're not gonna be able to do the same for me. And I can't bring myself to tell you no cuhs I'm just not that type of person. You never listen to me when I need to rant; you always find a way to bring it back to yourself. How can you honestly call yourself my best friend ? Everything always has to be about you; you cut me off, you call me names, thinking it doesn't hurt, & you just expect so much out of me. Why the hell should I try so hard when you don't ? Shit's getting ridiculous. Now I'm sorry that you're having such a bad weekend, but grow up & get over it. You still have next weekend, and all the weekends after it. When are you going to learn that the world doesn't revolve around your bitch ass ?

SEEEEENIORS !

First day of school was fucking orgasmic. I'm so ready to walk through campus with my head all high & shit; yelling, "MOVE !" when the little freshmen crowd through the halls. (; Shit's amazing. I'm so excited to what this year has to briiiing. Rodriguez seems like she's gonna be a bitch, but I have Eric, Alice, Jackie, Elsie, Chantal, & Daisy to keep me busy. Murphy round #2 ! I don't think he remembers me from sophomore year, buuuut his class is gonna be fun. Sooo happy I have BRey, Sarah, Joel, & Sarthi in my class again. ^____^ Glad I pulled that all nighter to finish my Spanish hw, cuhs this class is gonna be fucking amaaaazing ! Honestly, this is the one AP I've been dying to take. Thomas is so fucking chill. I love how she gives us an Anthropology lesson when someone says "Filipinos ARE Asian !" Haaaaah (; Show 'em wsup, Mrs. Thomas ! & Solitaire. I'm down for another year, just not with these girls. I mean, yeah, it is the beginning of the year & I still have the rest of this year to get to know the girls. But MY GOD, they are so talkative ! Girls, this ain't Diamondaires anymore, this is SOLITAIRE. We're advanced, we put shit on track. I hate how everyone's in Marquis now; the 9 vets left have to deal with all these noobs. )= It's not the same without Takeuchi & Alexis, especially. I have no one to bitch with & at. Lowkey looking forward to our concerts cuhs that means we get to share the dance room ! (=

God, look at me. All optimistic & shit. Whatta first !

Favorite graduates. (=

Preethi - I'm gonna miss you so much ! Try to come down every once in a while, okay ? (: We'll resume our adventures & camera whoring, hehehe. Have fun in Berkeley & don't forget to TokBox with your favorite choir girlsssss ! ♥

Vivian - You better keep your promise & keep at LEAST every other Saturday open for me & Karen. I can't believe you're leaving me for Irvine. ): Hehehe, waaaahb you !

So I'm at this point...

where I don't know what to do with you anymore. Should I drop you for once & for all or should I make an effort, knowing you won't ? Hah, I think we both know I'm gonna be sticking to the first one. I hate how you do cute shit with me, then drop me all of a sudden. You'd think I'd be sick of it to a point where I'd have already talked to you about it, but I guess I'm too scared to lose you as a friend if I were to. And what sucks is I'm going to have to see you every fucking day at school, first thing in the morning. Yaaaaaay me. -___- I know this is probably only going to last 2 weeks tops, but it doesn't hurt to make it shorter, does it ? One week's already been up, I've already tried but you ignored, so now I'm leaving it up to you. IM me & let's stay up till 5 AM webcamming and doing whatever the fuck we wanna do. Call me when we both have to get off & have another 4 hour phone call to a point where we get so tired, we end up falling asleep on each other. I don't understand how someone can make me feel this shitty. It's pretty ridiculous; pat yourself on the back.

Nelly Furtado.

why do all good things come to an end ?

Eminem ft. Rihanna

just gonna stand there & watch me burn;
that's alright because i like the way it hurts.
just gonna stand there & hear me cry;
but that's alright because i love the way you lie.
i love the way you lie.

disneylandiaaaa.

"Here you leave today & enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow, & fantasy."
FINALLY going to Disneyland on the 21st (:

HAPPY AUGUST !

Oh my damn. School starts in 3 weeks & I haven't even started my summer work. -__- Boo for procrastination, insomnia, & sleeping in. Whatever though, cuhs this is deff one of the greatest summers I've had. (=

Goooood days. (=

I love holding someone's hand like thissss (: Especially laying in bed with my head on his arm & his other arm around my waist. Heeeeeeeeheh. ♥

hehehe.

"You & I are a pair of scissors. Alone, we're knives. Sharp & nasty, made to hurt others. But together, we're scissors. Better, safer, more useful. But more than that, we are our missing halves. And whatever comes between us, we destroy."

Oh, how I love a good hand-holding sesh. (: ♥

my girlsssss. ♥

Have I mentioned I miss you guys ? ):

Okay, seriously.

This has got to stop. I feel like your puppet because you're always manipulating my emotions. You either make me happy or you make me feel like shit. You're like another youknowho; I shouldn't put up with you and I shouldn't care. But I can't help but to care. You keep making all these promises - that you'll always be there for me, that you'd put everything aside just for me, that you'd put up with me through thick & thin. But you keep letting me down. You keep making these promises that you end up breaking. And then you find a way to come back. You make spontaneous phone calls that I pick up, knowing I shouldn't. But I do anyway, because my dumb ass is always hoping it would bring an end to all the make-me-feel-like-shits. Biggest SIKE of life or whaaat. I don't want anything to do with you and I want everything to do with you. I want to deck you in the face and I want you to give me a bear hug like you used to. I want to stop talking to you for once & for all and I want to stay up talking to you, even though we're both so damn tired.

What makes me even more mad is that I have no right to be mad. Haaaah. You're not my boyfriend; you don't have to do all that cute shit with me. So honestly, why the hell do I care ? Because I sure as hell don't have a crush on you. Not even a leeeeeedo, teeeeensy, tiny one. Or do I ? I guess I kind of do, because honestly, why else would I be hung over all of this ? You make me feel like an insignificant piece of shit; an option when I make you a priority. I can't say I'm "done", because we both know I'm not. I'm going to keep wanting to make this friendship work, with or without that little crush, because a friendship is probably the only relationship we'll have. But it's all good, because I honestly couldn't ask for anything better.

boiling craaab !

yes, that's cathy nguyen (: boiling crap after despicable me for the first time yesterday with mLui, jHsu, tHuang, pYoussef, cTran, aTang, & aCampbell ! loves of my lifeeee ♥ the most amazing fries & shrimp, hehehe. i'm a happy child (:

goodbye !

i was never the type to let my guard down to someone so easily like how i did so with you. i was always the ‘single & lovin it’ type. why? it’s not that i couldn’t get or find anyone, it’s just that i chose not to. i knew that somewhere along the road, there would be heartaches and regret. and i was right. thanks to you, never again am i gonna let my guard down for anyone. never again. sometimes, people walk in and out of your life to teach you a lesson. so thanks. guards up and lesson learned.

haaaaah, one last post on this douchebag & i'm done.
pwomise. (:

fuck 'em.

fuck thoughts that keep me up this late.

i hate how she wouldn't stop taking pictures of him.
i hate that i don't talk to him as much.
i hate how i've been thinking of his dumb ass this whole fucking week.
i hate all toy story shit.
i hate how i can't be a bitch to her.
i hate how she can still get guys when she's so fat & ugly.
i hate how every time i saw him looking at her, i wished he was looking at me.
i hate how i'm still hung over this douchebag.
i hate that he's going so far for college.
i hate how i'm never gonna let go of this one small thing.
i hate how i almost cried thinking about him.
i hate how this post & the previous 2 have his name written all over them.

dear _____,

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD.

imy.

i want you to IM me like you used to. i want to stay up having more pointless conversations with you. i want to make more inside jokes & reminisce about our old ones. i want to take more mini adventures with you, because we both know it's worth the risk. i want you to be your playful-conceited self that annoyed me, yet always makes my day. i want you to keep doing the smallest things that make me smile on the worst of days. i want to rant to you like i always did, updating you about every little thing while you listened. i miss you. and i really don’t know why.

CA ADVENTURES.

this is one thing i'd really love to see with my significant other. too bad there aren't any of those in my near future. -____- sigh. someone take me to watch this ! (: ♥

WOMP.

"never take anyone for granted, because one day you might wake up and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."

an hour phone call so far with eric & i've almost pissed in my pants. -____- i can't believe the basis of our conversation is neopets of all things. HAHAHA, good shit. he still remembers every little thing apparently - from prices to all the little map names. how pathetic.

SIKE, cuhs neopets is the only thing i'm on these days ! this week was supposed to be super busy but everyone ended up bailing on me. ): so all i've been doing is eating, sleeping, & going on the computer. tumblr's being a little bitch all the time, making me go back to neopets. i got nicole & lea back on (^____^) & we have yet to make a playdate where we can just neo-sesh all day. oh god, call us pathetic.

i have preethi's graduation party to go to in a couple of hours. it's 4am. oh god, what is this world coming to. earlier this week, i watched the sun fucking rise. -__- eric made me stay up with him to watch a movie & it took us forever to finally decide on 10 things i hate about you. (oh heath ledger, how i miss you ! ♥) so i ended up sleeping at 5:30. pfft, might as well have pulled an all nighter. sike. but i did end up waking up at 2pm. haaah. yesterday i stayed up watching the hangover cuhs i'm done with the big bang theory. oh how i miss sheldon's BAZINGAs. i feel like such an insomniac. or like a bat. i'm nocturnal !

yknow, i really love blogger. even though no one reads, or even bothers to check, this site anymore, i feel like i have a more privacy-type blog on this. everyone's hopping onto the bandwagon & making a tumblr now and i feel like i can't post personal shit on it anymore. so i'm coming back to blogger, but only to post journal-type blogs. cuhs xanga ain't really workin' out for me either. -___-

womp. vivian's not responding to my ims & eric just fell asleep on me. i guess it's a sign i should go to bed. this weekend is going to be an adventure ! target with takeuchi at 1, gabbie's house to make preethi's graduation present, getting ready at 4, then preethi's graduation party ! one last solitaire moment cuhs we're gonna sing our AWK-apella ♥ ♥ ♥ i gotta wake up at 6:30 on saturday to bake shana's cookies, then go to her house at 10 to get to the beach for her birthday. (: sunday is apparently canceled, but i was supposed to have a pokemon marathon with eric lin. loser bailed on me AGAIN. douchebag. anyways, yeah. i'm tired. goodnight.

oh ps - RIP michael jackson. i still can't believe you're not alive anymore. ):

gabriella ♥

"I like how you make me laugh, I like how you make the world seem so much better, I like how you make fun of people with me, I like how you make Spanish class fun, I like how you make Solitaire that much more amazing!, I like how you are always the first person to come to me when I am crying or I miss my mommy, I like how you came into my house to meet my mommy even knowing she was sick and probably wouldnt look good, I like how supportive you are of everything I do, I like how you love and take care of me so much!, I like how you encourage my love for you know who lol, and most of all I like how you are my amazing and beautiful Solitaire sister! And I love you so much!"

sweetest thing a person's ever said to me. (: I LOVE YOU GABRIELLA CAROLINA HERNANDEZ CLEMENTE ! & your ridiculously long name that only i seem to be able to remember. (;

6/14/10

lovers. ♥

animosity.

"a life made of memories, gone so young." - amber pacific ; gone so young

1. seeing you at graduation was the best start to my summer. i saw you, took a picture with you. you hugged me & held me like you always did, and we talked & cleared everything up. we stayed up talking that night, as well as the following nights. you kept me up at night when i wanted to sleep all the time. and for once, i felt that we were back to where we started. but now we're drifting again. WHY !? ): i hate how this always happens to us. it's such an on & off cycle and it bugs it shit out of me. buuuut, whatever. we'll give it a couple of days & it should be back to normal.
2. HI, I MISS YOU. GET YOUR ASS BACK FROM VIETNAM, PLEASE. I'M IN NEED OF MORE ADVENTURES. ♥
3. thanks for being there for me all the freaking time. you put up with my bullshit, bitchiness, & major mood swings. who says a girl can't have a guy best friend without developing any feelings for them ? i lovelovelove you & am excited for senior year cuhs we better get a class togetherrrr ! (:
4. i'm still bugged about what you did earlier this year. plus the fact that you're going to his graduation while you swear you have no feelings whatsoever for him. whaaatever, bitch. i can't say i'm over it, because it still bugs me. the fact that you knew how much i liked him (& how every small thing reminds me of him), yet you still chill & talk to him as if he had nothing to do with me. boo, you whore.
5. BLAH, you're really starting to irritate me. hahahah, whatever.
6. i wish you'd die. really, i do. words cannot explain how much i hate you.
7. i love how close we've gotten since the beginning of summer ! i thought you were a homewrecking bitch, but you're so much more than that (: i love that we can talk about everything & everyone. and now that our parents have rekindled their friendships, we can chill all day, err day ! hehehe ♥
8. OHHEEEEEY. you were the last boy i would think i'd have interest in. i have a feeling it's just cuhs #7 up there mentioned it slightly, buuut whatevs ! YOU'RE SO SMART. it's really intimidating. and you're graduating in a couple of days & going up to norcal, sooo i don't think anything's gonna happen. and even though we're not that close, we better hang out before you leaveeee ! (:

summer '10.

consists of usually doing nothing during the day, then late night phone calls from 1-5 am. (: i guess it's treating me alright. i need more plans though !
no summer school, either. yeeeee. ^_^

oh, & i'm diggin' the whole template stuff. (: sucks how no one uses this anymore though. boo.

YAYUH BITCHEZZZZZ.

senior, class of 2011. ^_^

spring pop show '10.

i know i've posted SO many rants about choir, but we've finally pulled through. after star testing week, i think we've all matured up & have come clean enough that we're back to where we started - super close and lovable. this MONTH has gone by way too fast & i still can't believe the seniors are graduating in a week & leaving us for good. it's ridiculous. i'm going to miss vivian SO much, it's not even funny. and i hate that my tear ducts are so fucking retarded because the farthest i can come to crying is tearing up. singing "wind beneath my wings" last night as the closure was the most emotional thing for me, besides senior circle. i heard people sniffling behind me & it seriously just broke my heart. i wish i did choir freshman & sophomore year because it has seriously made such an impact on me this year. when andrew spoke last night, it gave me goosebumps. how is it that a blind person can still appreciate the small things in life when he can't even see it ? MY INSPIRATION, DEFINITELY. these girls have definitely made my junior year memorable. walking through the doors into the choir room & being greeted & hugged by everyone just makes my day. i'm going to miss all the seniors and all the girls moving up to marquis. solitaire is definitely gonna miss alla ya'llz ! ♥

what the fuck.

i love how i get yelled at by simply asking my mom what she's cooking for dinner. are you fucking kidding me ? i didn't throw in ANY attitude at all & you're giving me a fucking lecture on how i should be asking you in a nicer manner ? the fuuuuck !? and i can't even take a nap for once in my life in this loudass mother fucking house without hearing screams/yells coming from everyone. EXCUSE ME, but for once, can you all just shut the fuck up ? thanks guys, thanks. now i have a massive headache; not that i didn't have one before. and stop giving me shit when i tried to do something that was gonna benefit all of us. -______-

maaaay 15 !

prom '10 with jeffrey li (:

anonymous formspringers

need to get the fuck off everyone's dicks. you're saying i've changed ? well pussy, i'm sure everyone has. that's life, get the fuck over it. & don't you DARE call my best friend a slut or a bad influence. she is worth so much more than you think, you just have a stick up your ass which is why you're so damn judgmental. if you knew HALF the shit she has going on, you'd be in tears. & get off evelyn & daisy too. DROP SHIT THAT HAPPENED A BILLION YEARS AGO. shit's getting old as fuuuck. at least think of new things to say besides the same old "look what they did to linda. they turned her into such a worthless bitch." drop the anonymous shit & come say dumb shit like this to my face. i'm a big girl, i can definitely handle it. you on the other hand, pussy shit, need some balls.

really !?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU !
i find you a prom date & you repay me by telling someone not to ask me because “no one can handle me, which is why i haven’t been asked to any dances” ? JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BIGGER BALLS THAN YOU DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE HANDLED.

ps; stop smoking and saying you “went out to go play pool”. you suck at lying, douchebaaag. and you wonder why i hate telling people you're my brother. -___-

hah.

STOP FUCKING WITH ME. you get my hopes up so ridiculously high, and then you just shatter them. i should have learned this lesson waaay back earlier cuhs this is definitely not the first. stop sending me shit you know i don't want to hear. stop mentioning stupid shit you know i wouldn't ever do. can you not think of only yourself for once ? you're throwing me back really far. hopefully this will be the last time i ever trust you with a guy.

okay, seriously ?

shut the fuck up. where the fuck did you get all this attitude from ? who the fuck do you think you are to try & back talk me ? & when you expect me to give you a fucking answer, you just go "blah blah, i don't care." nigga, SHUT THE FUCK UP. if you weren't my little fucking brother, i'd have beat you a while ago. don't give me shit & say i'm the one with the attitude. you fucking ask for it. i'm not the one whose report cards are filled with d's & f's, i'm not the one who's too pussy to cancel a piano lesson when i didn't want to go in the first place, i'm not the one who doesn't listen when i'm told to do something; i'm the one who has been fucking feeding you for the past fucking month, who has asked you KINDLY to help do something in the fucking house, who is trying to fucking look out for you, and all you do is give me immature attitude & shit ? and you fucking WONDER why i'm such a bitch to you. well you know what ? i'm getting sick of this. stop expecting me to do shit for you, just cuhs you're the youngest out of all of us. you're honestly just a waste of space, you lazy son of a bitch who does nothing besides watch jonathan play on the computer, whine for your own computer, eat, and sleep. you don't even fucking shower on a daily basis, you sick bastard. GOD, i am getting so fucking annoyed with you. do the fucking world a favor & just shut. the. fuck. up.

promprompromprom.

mr. perfect needs to drop down from the heavens cuhs getting sick of waiting. -_____- WAH, i wanna go so baaad ):

sigh.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFEEEE ?! ♥ ♥ ♥ you're a choir boy who is NOT gay, you have one hell of a niceass voice, you have a tat, you're ambitious as HELL, super tall, you seem super sweet, easy to talk to, YOU KNOW THE YES DANCE, & you're down to talk to a bunch of diamond bar girls who asked to take a picture with you ONCE at a competition. sucks that you're graduating this year, but THANK GOD you're staying in california for another year before going to london (:

once again, a rant on choir.

are you fucking serious ? i hope you're happy. why would you even take it so damn seriously ? crying about was already enough. but you had to take it to your grandma so she can take it to your glc who could get the fucking COPS involved !? are you seriously that big of a fucking baby ? you can't even handle your own shit, let alone the responsibility of being vice, i repeat - VICE - president. to put it in the nicest way possible, FUCK YOU. i am so sick of your shit. thanks to you, we're missing another girl for saturday because YOU got her suspended for 5 fucking days. that's FOUR girls missing. FOUR spots we have to fill/fix. and on top of that, she has to take the make-up test for cat6. are you happy ? ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY ?

HAAAAH.

burroughs competition was a joooooke ! their stage was really big, but they had one too many risers so we were pushed SO forward. but other than our shit performance, i had so much fun. I GOT TO WALK THROUGH THE HALLWAYS OF GLEE. OF GLEE. (: watching powerhouse felt like such an honor cuhs 1) they're so effing good & 2) they were on OPRAH. los alamitos xtreme > burbank sound dogs though. SIGH, go on my tumblr if you wanna watch their show. ^_____^ idk, i kinda got sick of watching burbank's even though they're so cute. after seeing burbank boy's girl though, i lost all hope ): she's absolutely drop dead gorgeous. BUT IT'S OKAY, cuhs i got a picture with sevy aka the guy who called us the most attractive all womens choir. ^_____^ he looks kinda freaky, but that's cuhs of the face makeup. my new goal in life is to become his best friend this WEEKEND @ socal. speaking of which, turns out we're not sleeping over because the dumbass marquis boys left the campus of one competition. -____- lames. so call time's 5:45 am on saturday & we're not getting home till 3am. sigh. last competition, they spring concert, then I'M DONE WITH SOLITAIRE 09-10. too bad i'm sticking with solitaire for next year though. baad mistake, but i'm determined to make next year bombskeeeez. HAIL YES.

SPRINGBREAK !

best day of all of spring break. (: beach trip was supaaa fun ! i lalalove alice, ashley, danielle, adrian, joel, eric, & newfriend matt ! yay for kidnapping eric when he didn't even wanna go, alice locking us outta ashley's car, triple a's magical rod, car ride there, getting super soaked by super cold ocean water, taking pictures at the last minute, walking around for an hour with eric trying to find people, hot hot sand, creepers staring at us while we were rinsing off, getting a tan !, eating hotdogs & bbq chips, making s'mores, playing frisbee with eric & alice, sitting in the hole adrian made & talking with him, sticking a lighter in a pit & watching it blow up, blowing glowsticks up with matt & eric, joel giving me a piggyback, julian tripping everyone onto the sand, tar getting stuck on the bottom of our feet, car ride back, & racing up & down grand with matt in ashley's car. (:

practice tomorrow from 10-12, then massive hw cramming time. -__-

good morning !

yay for sleeping at 3-4ish am everyday.
yay for waking up at noon everyday.
yay for conversations with eric & occasionally evelyn that keep me up.
YAY FOR SPRING BREAAAAK. ^____^

on a side note though -
WHO do you think you are. honey, you need to calm down. you're just a freshman, the bottom of the food chain. don't think you can hit on "upperclassmen" whenever you feel like it. oh, & by the way, sophomores are not really upperclassmen. & stop trying to BE everyone, you stupid jocker. you say stupid shit like "i'm the biggest bitch" & "i bite (=", OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME. 1) sorry, the 'biggest bitch' title goes to me. & 2) stfu & bite my nonexistent dick. GG for losing those traffic papers during GNO & making the buses drive around the parking lot for the longest time. WAY TO GIVE OUR SCHOOL A GOOD NAME. blogging about you is making my head pound even more, so whatever. ugh, can i just slap you the next time i see you. -_-

APR 10 !

guess who gets to see her burbank boy on saturdaaay !? (; yee yee. & next week's socal ! for once, choir MIGHT be looking up for me ♥ oh, 11:11 - make a wish (:

YESSSSSSSSSS.

spring break is finally here.
nothing planned except practice on friday.
LET'S MAKE PLAAANS !

SATs.

march is over. which means SATs in one month ! -___- fml, i haven't even studied. i'm just gonna use my old sat book from last year's sat prep with emileen, christine, & vione. HAAAAAH. too bad i didn't pay attention in that stuff. i miss them though ! ): anyways, yeah. procrastination ftw.

whooooot.

"little girls cry; big girls say 'fuck.'"

FINALLY cleared errthang up. 14 minute phone call isn't as good as a 3 hour one, but it's better than nothing ! (: my registration card's due tomorrow. five classes ! english, civics/econ, ap calc, ap spanish, & choir. should i take 0-4 or 1-5 ? ugh, i wish i had my license. then it'd be easier to decide, 'naw what i meaaaan ? -__- eric wants me to TA for bromberg with him, buuuut i don't know bromberg ! HAHAHA. booo, idk. we'll see.

YOU'RE A,

heart breaker, dream maker, love taker -
don't ya mess around with me !
hello pop show for spring concert '10. -_____-

it's 2am,

& i can't seem to fall asleep due to all these thoughts.

feliz cumpleanos !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LADY GAGA !

okay,

third time. or is it the fourth ? seriously, what the hell did i do this time ? i hate when you just decide we're not gonna talk. you ignore me, but lemme tell you, it's hard as FUCK to try & ignore you. you have me stressing like no other - trying to figure all this shit out & wanting things to go back to normal. can you tell me like, a week in advance, when you're gonna go all bipolar so i can brace myself for it ? smack in the face, like whaaaaaat. please call so we can have another one of our infamous late night conversations that end up lasting for 3+ hours. i miss you, really.

UM.

"i'm sorry, but suck my ballz please... for the fifth time." - karen

stalin & aimee need to gtfo everyone's backs about prioritizing. i'm sorry that we actually WANT to go to a good college instead of taking a mt. sac placement test like your dumb bimbo ass did. we're not going to try to pursue a career based on choir, so let us do our own shit. stop giving the girls such a hard time when you were the one who told us we weren't even gonna go to hart. and MY ASS breitag assigned a hugeass essay for one girl who missed a competition. stop pulling shit outta your ass to try to get the girls to show up. your fault for signing us up for a competition the week OF spring break. sorry, but some of us have lives outside of show choir. advanced, pffffft.

oh, & for awkward, serious family pictures, did we not make it clear enough for you that we only wanted like, 6 of the girls in it ? and GG for opening your big ass mouth & making a silly face. AWKWARD. SERIOUS. what part of that do you not get ? maybe it's from all that dick you've been sucking. which is another thing, please don't make us share gross shit like that ever again. i'm sorry that you're so frickin' horny all the time, but really, it's gross. ugh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

you're paaaathetic ! do you seriously have to make a fake facebook to stand up for yourself ? i should probably be the last person to rant about you, but i have my reasons. seventh grade, remember ? haaaaah. you were so ridiculously fake & you knew a couple of us hated you. i love that you put on this image that you're such a tough person & you know how to handle your shit, but when confronted, all you do is shrug it off & deny every little thing. and today i hear that you made a face facebook ? oh maaaan, you definitely win the MOST PATHETIC award. i don't understand why you even have friends - you're the biggest pussy i know. you walk around getting pissed when people say the smallest things about you, yet you're the one who talks all the shit. it's amazing how long your friendships last. you call everyone your fucking best friend & walk around with your fat ass all up in the air thinking you're so damn hot & you're the shit. you rely so much on other people; i can't wait till all your "friends" realize all the shit you've put them through & finally turn their backs on you. let's see you stand up for yourself for once & show us all what a tough bitch you are. oh wait, you're not.

GNO.

aka girls night out. (HAHA. more like girls day out.)
anyways, woke up at 6:45 to get dressed & stuff. takeuchi picked me up at 7:30 & we got to school at 7:45 ish. stupid stalin wasn't even there. little miss "we need all the time we can get, so please come 15 minutes earlier !" -___- AND, she came in her PAJAMAS. really, now ? even diamondaires came dressed, AND on time. and she was like "i prefer you guys curl your hair." & she didn't even curl her's. oh, one more thing - what happened to "let's practice not fidgeting, okay girls ?" PFFT. she wouldn't stop messing with her hair while she was MC-ing. anyways, some of the diamondaires girls piss me off. yknow that one asian quote "the more you help, the more trouble you cause" ? YES. OMG, I NOW UNDERSTAND IT ! ugh, please don't do solitaire next year cuhs i'm not gonna be able to handle you. -___- brea's intermediate got first, then walnut, burroughs, and i forgot the rest. my feet started hurting like a bitch & the judges didn't need anything, so i was good. HAHA. they were SO cute ! old little white grandpas ♥ oh, i got super pissed that we didn't perform first session, cuhs she didn't tell us we weren't, and i changed & shit. do you know how hard it is to take my dress off !? SHAYSH. uh, couldn't make a starbucks run cuhs stalin only gave us 15 minutes for lunch. buuuut, i got a free chili cheese dog & ginger ale. (: watched arcadia's show, then went backstage to change cuhs we were actually GONNA perform. (btw, thanks for making us perform after the advanced & not the intermediate. we would have looked SO bombskeez after intermediate since we're advanced, but nooooo. you had to make us perform after BURROUGHS. -___-) chilled backstage with chihmin & takeuchi while watching brea. cried during the one solo, as always, and helped a couple o' girls change. dang, i didn't know all their shit was velcro ! hahaha, i felt like a dumbass cuhs i was like "uh, idk how to put this on" & this girl was like "it's okay, it doesn't have to be perfect." eh, she didn't seem snobby, so i'm all good with brea. helped a burroughs girl too; btw, they don't seem so good backstage. like, they don't sound as good & look as good. but maybe it's cuhs i was backstage. their blinding dresses, fog machine, all that jazz was still good. typical, they got first, then brea, then arcadia. chilled in the choir room afterwards with a buncha girls. omg, i left out so much details, but it's not like anyone reads this, so vhaaatevs. i can't really post half this shit on tumblr cuhs stalin reads my shit now. sigh. this sucks balls. anyways, i'm glad today's done. gahd, it was so tiring. and i think i got more sick. -____-

weeeeeeekend !

yay, this weekend is gonna be GOOD.

FRI; it's a friday. need i say more ?
combined basic, yaaaaay !!
SAT; girls night out (8am - 6pm)
dinner with the girls (?)
SUN; church @ VOH
dinner with auntie from oklahoma !

oh, & i found out we're going to SOCAL after all (:
APR 16 - 18 ; saaaan diego ! ♥

SONOFABITCH.

STALIN MADE A TUMBLR.
i hope she doesn't follow me.
i talked SO much shit about her.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

ohman, karma's here to bite me in the ass.
faaaaaaaaaaawk !

BREA OLINDA & HART !

so yesterday was brea olinda. we got third out of five ! (: arcadia only got second cuhs it's their director's last year; are you frickin' kidding me ? laaames. anyways, my bra actually didn't fall off. (: i used kait's masking tape & taped it to my skin. yee yee ! ^__^ i saw mr. willert & i was like AH, I MISS YOU, but yeah. stalin fell on her ass, and i have to admit, it was pretty damn funny, AHAHAH. we did so well, i'm really happy. (: (: (: went to chili's with a couple of the girls afterwards, so that was fun. hehehe, avoided _____ (dangit, i don't know her nickname. -_- i gotta ask toe.) but yeah, hahaha all in all, it was pretty damn good. (:

woke up at 6:30 today; got to school at 7:20. breitag wasn't even there so errbody sat outside for like, 45 minutes. alexis curled half of my hurr in the band room, but then we had to get on the bus. I SAW MY BURBANK BOY, OMG OMG OMG OMG ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ i love him. i'm going to have beautiful asian children with him. ODJAOGIUAODFJ. (: los al had supaa cute boys too ! burroughs men got third & MY BURBANK BOY GOT FIRRRRST, YAYAYAY ! sigh. i love him. one of the burbank boys came up to me, hoochie, & shanaynay and said we were the most attractive womens choir. yeee, wsup ! i kinda wish it was my boy, but whaaatevs. hehehe. "hope we see you again !" HAHAH. uhm, oh, we got fifth. but at least we placed ! three girls were missing & stalin + breitag were getting so pissed, but whatever. there are times where school comes before choir, and today called for it. it's not like they're gonna pursue a choir dream or whateves. sats are waaay more important than a competition YOU told us we weren't even going to. -_________- bus ride home was SO FUN. i frickin' love meghan. hahah, "HE'LL GET STUCK, HE'LL GET STUCK !" oh maaan. i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my life with her. i've decided to stay in solitaire while EVERYONE ELSE IS LEAVING ME FOR MARQUIS, cuhs i can't leave gabbie all alone. ): i'm excited for next week, we're HOSTINGGGGG (:

last year.

"i read on like a website that it's better to ask than to ask yourself the question 'should i or should i not?'. if he says no, then who cares ? there's more fish in the sea and there will be one fish that steals your heart and keeps it with him forever. just do what you think is right; don't keep questioning yourself."

you said this to me last year, back when we were still friends & i went to you for every single little (and big) thing. i miss you like crazy & tend to re-read this conversation over & over again on days like this. it makes me cry every time i read it. maybe it was because you were so damn sweet, or because we don't talk anymore. every time i hear someone say the whole "fish in the sea" thing, the first thing i think of is you. i really wish things were different with us. you have no idea how much you meant to me & it pisses me off that i don't know why i can't bring myself to talk to you again. you read me like the back of your hand & i always wondered how you had that sixth sense of knowing when i was down. i really want to just sit with you for hours & talk like how we used to last year. i miss you. really.

throwbaaaacks.

"and i wonder if i ever cross your mind. for me, it happens all the time. it's a quarter after one, i'm a little drunk and i need you now."- need you now ; lady antebellum

i need more throwbacks, so here you go. not that anyone reads this anymore, but if you are, try & guess who you are. unless you're not in here, haaaah.

1. i love the smell your jackets rub off on me whenever i wear them, your smile, your sixth sense of knowing whenever something's up, your hair, your laugh, your arms whenever they’re around me, the small & ridiculous things you do to make me laugh, your voice, the fact that you actually keep your promises, your hugs, that you’re always down to talk, your perfect height, the songs you listen to, when you call me, our pointless conversations, when you grab me by the neck/waist/arm, how you know when to talk or when to shut up, when you catch me staring, your remarks, your sarcasm, walking with you, & you in general. well. i don't think it's love right now, but lowkey, you're all i think about now. i wish you weren't cuhs you're occupying 165418% of my thoughts & i can't focus on anything else, really.

2. lately, i've been so frickin' annoyed with you. i told you i'd always be here for you, but you know better than to ask me for things that i can't give you. the mistakes you are making lately are really bugging me, cuhs you always come complaining about them to me when i told you not to do it in the first place. i don't know. maybe it's just cuhs i'm on my period & i'm easily irritated. give me a week & hopefully, things will go back to normal.

3. i hate that i'm so fake with you. there are so many things i need to confront you about, but i just can't bring myself to. you've hit my most sensitive spot, well. what was, & i still can't bring myself to forgive you for it.

4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. i hate your guts. you & your dictatorship can suck my nonexistant dick. you have made choir suck ass for me this year, & now i'm questioning whether i should do it next year. i can't wait till this year is over & you're finally out of my life. i hope you don't come visit next year, cuhs you're not getting any hugs like kayla. i love that you're so oblivious of all the hatred that's vibed (is that a word ? hahahah.) towards you during class & practice. whatever, more fun for us, haaaah.

5. it's still awkward whenever i see you, but honestly, i wouldn't have it any other way. i'm glad that i finally moved on cuhs you were a waste of a couple of months. i have to admit though, there were times when it was pretty worth it. but if i were to weigh things out, i'd say i'm happier without you. you can go do things with #3 behind my back now, & i promise you, when i find out, i won't trip balls over it anymore. (:

6. i miss you. so so so so much. i see you sometimes during passing period & i get flashbacks of freshman & sophomore year with you. you were seriously one of the best friends i ever had. i really hate that you're hanging out with that group now. you tell me you miss me & we need a day to catch up & chill, and i'm seriously waiting for that day. re-enter my life now, pleaaaase. ):

7. you're on my binder now. i see you EVERYDAY during passing, and i know you see me too. sometimes i wonder how things would be if we didn't stop talking. i still don't understand why we stopped, but maybe it was for the better ? idk, that's what i'm telling myself. i miss the feeling of needing to talk to you whenever i don't feel like talking to anyone else. sometimes i re-read our long conversations & your hilarious comments, and they still bring a smile to my face.

fridays. ♥

TGIF, ferreals ! longest day ever. i won't really go into details. i was still really irritated with the world, especially with one person in particular. but whatevs. basic was fun (: but i started dozing off after jessica & christina were filling us in on the proposals from last week. OMG, cutest stuff ever ! (: my future husband better come up with something as creative as jordan. hehehe. talked to victorious about some stuff cuhs i haven't seen her in fo'evaaaa. poor chica, i swear, i'm gonna castrate a boy. shit. -___- anyways, i called home at 10 to tell joshua to tell janice to pick me up. nigga doesn't even tell her cuhs he's too damn busy with his gay computer games. so i end up calling janice with jillian's phone an hour later & she wakes up & is like "you need a ride home ?" so uh. yeah, it's 11:44 & i just got home & i'm tired as faaaaawk, so good night. (:

hahahah.

i feel like no one reads this shit anymore. i remember when i first made a blogger, i updated everyday. now i don't even bother to check up on this, let alone blog. but i guess i can use this to vent/write about things i wouldn't really write anywhere else.

well first off. two competitions next week - brea olinda & hart encore. stalin's still the same ol' bitch that she is. i really can't wait till she graduates & i don't have to put up with her anymore. dumb bitch told us we didn't have to go to hart, so a couple of the girls scheduled their sats on that day. and yesterday, apparently she told us we were going & she blames them for scheduling it on the 13th. she swears like we're her fucking minions. i told karen, christine, & jane to just take their goddamn sats. they paid almost $50 for that, and stalin wants them to just throw it away for some fucking competition that we're not even gonna place at ? uhm, haaailz no. i joined solitaire this year because after i watched the spring concert last year, i wanted to be a part of that "family". as cheesy as that sounds, those girls were amazing. i used to look forward to choir in the beginning of the year. but now, i can't stand even being outside of it during passing period. i sit outside with eric & alexis until the bell fucking rings for a reason. every second i'm not inside the choir room is heaven. the happy vibe isn't in there anymore. solitaire has divided into little cliques of their own & there are some girls that i don't even know. we have so many goddamn dictators & every single practice seems like bootcamp. really, you're not gonna let us perform that week if we're late to practice ? what kind of a fucking punishment is that. yeah, i can't even fucking go on. i'm so pissed that i can't even rant about choir anymore.

second, i really think i'm gonna start my period soon cuhs i've just been the most cynical bitch ever. i want to snap at everyone and i've just been getting so damn annoyed lately. all i've been doing is cranking up my music to maximum level so it drowns out everything. everytime someone talks to me in this goddamn house, i just interrupt them & tell them to shut the fuck up. which kinda fucks me over cuhs they're like "excuse me ?" but. idk. haaah, i just wanna give the world the biggest slap ever, then sleep. fat lazy fuck ? yuhp.

haaaah, i'm just rambling on & on & on, aren't i ? it's 10:30. i should sleep. bye for now, oh lovely blog of mine.

is it you ? - cassie

i'm looking for a lover not a friend,
somebody who can be there when i need someone to talk to.
i'm looking for someone who won't pretend,
somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you.

and i'm looking for someone who understands
how i feel, someone who can keep it real.
and who knows the way,
the way i like to have it my way.
and i'm looking for someone who takes me there,
wants to share, shows he cares.
thinkin' you're the one that i've been waiting for.

[chorus]
is it you? is it you?
maybe you're the one i've been waiting for.
could you be the one for me?
could you be the one i need?
is it you? is it you?
maybe you're the one i've been waiting for.
could you be the one for me?
could you be the one i need?

i'm looking for someone to share my pain,
someone who i can run to,
who will stay with me when it rains.
someone who i can cry with through the night.
someone who i can trust whose heart is right.
and i'm looking for someone.

and i'm looking for someone who understands
how i feel, someone who can keep it real.
and who knows the way,
the way i like to have it my way.
and i'm looking for someone who takes me there,
wants to share, shows he cares.
thinkin' you're the one that i've been waiting for.

[chorus]

who won't take for granted how much i care,
appreciates that i'm there, someone who listens.
and someone i can call who isn't afraid of love to share.

[chorus]

asdfghjkl;'

i did not pay $800 for this shit.
fuck you stalin, really.
i've decided not to gaf anymore.
your shit's ridiculous.

los alamitos was so bad. my dress & sticky bra came off, so i almost flashed everybody. i cried backstage for the longest time, haaaah. fuck, i don't wanna compete anymore. i'm so done with solitaire this year. dictators can suck my nonexistant dick.

SAMOAAAAS !

i just had 5 samoas, adding up to 375 calories. oh fuck my life. whatevs though, i've learned to not give a fuck about my figure anyways. i have choir for a reason. ^____^

HAHA.

you deserve every little thing he said to you today (& yesterday), you dumb bitch. maybe this'll teach you how to stay outta other people's lives.

show choir.

why did mr. willert have to leave ? we would have been SO much better with him. watching brea olinda perform last night seriously made me cry. their vocals are so fucking amazing & their choreography is flawless. and their energy makes me tired. it's like they all had red bulls before getting on stage or something. i was watching my sister's old choir dvds and i really wish he stayed at dbhs. they got first place most of the time, and if it wasn't, it was always second. but then again, it was cuhs they were up against burroughs - and pft, burroughs is burroughs. sigh. i love how i recognized hannah (the pianist) just by looking at a random asian chick's back. & bo the drummer ! HAHAHA, it's weird that i know everyone when i wasn't even in high school when they were still there. anyways, i just really wish that aimee would correct us more & stalin wouldn't be such a bitch. gabz was telling me about last year & how angela was so damn strict, and when she wasn't there, kayla was. MAN, wrong year to do solitaire, i swear. ): i did not pay $800 for this shit.

just one throwback.

why are you such an asshole ? i can't believe you'd even think that i wanted to hang out with you to avoid some bitch. fool, you know i'd chill with you any day. you're the one who told me to pick a day for us to hang out. i waited for you today, but either you were sick or you're seriously pissed and decided to ditch me. i really hope it's the first option cuhs i really wouldn't be able to stand you trying to ditch me. and when i signed onto aim today, i expected a "miss me?" im, but as of right now, i haven't gotten one. yet. so hopefully you'll still send it. i miss you best frieeeeend. please come back into my life. ):

ASIANS.

i hate asians. so much. i hate that i'm asian. i wish all fobs would just die. haaaah. GOD, they're so fucking rude. whatever. today was really eventful. i had bitchass asians who i wanted to slap. but then again, there are always the super chill ones with hookups & shit. (; happy chinese new year. i got $100. WSUPPPP. oh, & valentine's day. haaah. SIKE !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH CHANG ♥

went to downtown brea to watch valentine's day & walked to bj's to eat. ate like a beast & took lots of pictures. mm, today was a good day. good, but tiring.

suddenly irritated though cuhs jonathan's playing shooting games & the sound's annoying the shit outta me. there's only one person i'll talk to right now but idk if he's awaaaake, dumbshit -___-

such a good day.

my day in a nutshell - i ditched TA first period to walk around campus with nicole hu. had a mouthgasm of heart shaped cookies made by evelyn & brownie cupcakes by nicole. spent all of spanish talking & eating chocolate kisses. freshmen remix was super chill. had theee most amazing hug from someone & now he's my new favorite person to get hugs from. ♥ i understand trig for once in my life & i think i'm ready to confront a bitch. had an extra large arizona iced tea & interesting conversations during basic. my best friend is alive & i just remembered we have a three day weekend. now all i need is my "boyfriend" (according to toetoe) to reply to my IM so we can chitchat aaaall night. (;

as of right now,

i'm shivering cuhs it's cold as balls. my left calve is killing me cuhs i didn't stretch before practice today. i have "GANGSTA, GANG GANGSTA !" stuck in my head from this morning. i still have two worksheets, a cartoon to make up, & a spanish project to finish. i'm picking at my nails cuhs they're chipping. i'm about to ktfo. on a side note, disneyland was really fun today. ♥ i didn't get to see bitch today, so s'aaall good. two starbucks runs are keeping me sane right now. ugh, whatever. good night.

* i want to sit, talk, & cry my eyes out with you. i want to tell you my life story, even if it's not interesting at all cuhs i know you'll still listen. i love you - more than words can say.

ugh.

can this week just end !?
it's been filled with so much shit, it's ridiculous.
longest week eeeeever.

i'm so ready for the weekend.

HAPPY FEBRUARY !

FEB 06; dora le's $weet $ixteen.
FEB 10; disneyland with best buddies.
FEB 19; justo lamas concert w/ babyg's.
FEB 20; first competition (bonita vista)
FEB 27; 2nd competition (los alamitos)

& you ain't gon' tie me down.

so,

going off on one of my previous posts about my sensitive spot. i hate that this keeps getting to me. it's like a ghost of my past that never fails to make me feel like shit after a good day. it haunts the shit out of me like no other & i hate the feeling it brings with it every time. i feel bad that i always have to vent to the same person cuhs every time he tells me to do one thing, i do the other. but i'm glad i have him cuhs he gets me & he doesn't hate me after i make the dumbass decisions. but seriously. why ? why why why ? i thought i was over him. i thought i told myself to be the better person and let her do whatever she wanted to do. i thought they should have their own happy lives, without me in them. it still bugs me cuhs i'm still recovering (god, i sound like a druggie outta rehab) & she's doing these things for the wrong reasons. little miss "i'm gonna flirt with you only cuhs i know i won't ever fall for you but i still want to lead you on" fuck you, backstabbing bitch.

WHY.

es-cuh-yooooz meh, but can you please tell me why i’m trippin’ balls over the smallest thing that (i thought) wasn’t important to me anymore ?

why am i letting this get to me when i thought i was weeks over it ?
why is it that whenever i still hear all this crap i get pissed ?
why can’t i just let go & let it be ?
why is this still a sensitive spot for me ?
-______________-

* i hate that you probably know it’s you i’m talking about, but you’re in that state of denial where you’re just hoping it’s not you. or maybe you’re not hoping; you just have the mentality that it’s someone else. i hate that i can say all this isssh about you behind your back and/or on tumblr / blogger / myspace but i can never tell you straight to your face. let’s get one thing straight though: it’s not that i’m a pussy; it’s just the fact that i can’t bring myself to say all this stuff to you. like you won’t be able to handle it or something. oh, i don’t know — maybe you’re just as sensitive as me. you tell me to stop flirting with guys when you’re the one who needs to stop. at least i keep it one digit. you’re probably all the way in the three digit zones. i hate your stupid “way-of-life rule”: you flirt with guys who you know will like you, but you will never like them back. stupid girl, you’re gonna get nowhere.

apchem.

is knocking the shit outta me. i wake up every morning, only to find myself sleeping in that class right when goya opens his fucking mouth. i'm surprised i passed first semester with a 70.05%. it kinda made me want to stay, since i promised kaitlyn i'd stay if i got a c or higher. but it's already the first week of second semester and i'm already dying. i don't get shit. i still have three weeks to decide if i want to drop or not and aid for bento-smith. fml -__-

public enemies.

"i like baseball, movies, good clothes, whiskey, fast cars, & you. what else you need to know ?"

oh, you charmer, you !
i love johnny depp. ♥

flashback.

october 27, 2009.

i really shouldn't be thinking about this.
can't fuckin' help it though. haaaaaah.

finals week.

i'm fucking stressing like no otheeer.
i have my trig final tomorrow & even though schaefer's letting us use a 3x5 notecard, he only said formulas. but i wrote down identities anyway & i have a gut feeling he's gonna trash my notecard and yell at me till i cry. ): i'm ridiculously paranoid & i know i should just make a new one overall, but DAYUM, i need those freaking identities. i just spent 20 minutes on the phone with agnes comparing the formulas we have on our's. i'm thinking of switching notecards in the middle of the final, but then again, i'm scared shitless of getting caught. he already thinks i'm a cheater cuhs of frickin' brandon. ): askufhvadobgwiaga. fml.

wednesday's spanish & history.
thursday's apchem & english.

oh, & i'm dropping ap chem. hopefully mrs. burns won't be such a bitch about it & try to persuade me to stay cuhs hail no, i can't fucking take goya's lack of teaching skills any longer.

"best friend"

thanks, shithead. i guess you can use our inside joke on some little slut. and then i find out you're the one who fucked up my keyboard. lsafjaoibjadb. i TRY to talk to you cuhs i know we're drifting like crazy, but i guess you still choose her, huh ? even after all that shit you said about her ? "oh, she's too clingy. it's annoying." annoying my ass. yeah ? well, fuck you too then.

jonathan mother fucking liu.

you fucking cunt licking bastard of a brother. the next time any of your mother fucking bitchass / douchebag friends come over, you tell them my desk is fucking off limits. they do not come near it, they do not use my chair to sit in, they do not touch anything that is of my property. & the keyboard cleaner, dad gave that to me. TO ME. not to you, you fucking dipshit. the can's fucking empty now cuhs your fucking friends keep playing with it. fuckers fucked up my fucking keyboard. you douchefuck. first you steal my fucking jalepeno chips, now your fucking friends fuck up my shit. ohhailno. next time this happens, you're the one getting fucked up this time.