2:37 AM

Didn't really feel like Christmas this year at all if you ask me. I'm so determined to spend winter on the east coast next year. I wanna walk around in the snow sippin' on a hot drink with someone I genuinely care for. And it really makes me sad when I'm talking to someone who lives on the east coast but has never had a legitimate Christmas because they have no siblings & their parents just don't celebrate Christmas. Give me a year & I'll come make it all better for you. ^_^

4:02 AM

Fuck, I'm so confused with everything right now. Things would be a lot easier if you were with me & we could figure everything out together. 

I can't wait til you finally come.

12:24 AM

I can't determine whether you're good for me or not. I hate saying this, but yeah, this time it feels kinda different.

It's weird being this open with my feelings, especially with someone like you. I used to hate being this type of person. I always put up this front about being independent and I only relied on myself for happiness. But for some apparent reason, you make me happy. We make me happy. Maybe it's the distance. Or maybe you are good for me.

And maybe I'm good for you.

12:56 AM

You're smarter than this. You deserve so much more than what little she has to offer. You go around talking about how desperate some people are for wanting girlfriends when you're the one going after this one. How. Dare. You.

I hate you so much for this, yet I want to do everything to make sure you don't get fucked over. Be careful.

"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be."

Well what if you give up right when things are about to turn around? It's like a double edged sword, isn't it? If you don't give up, you're only going to hurt more. You might be waiting for something to happen, only to have it not, leading you towards disappointment. But if you do give up right before things start going back to the way they were, then you'd be missing out on what was & what could have been once again. Hanging on for so long would seem like such a waste. 

I hate these 50/50-type decisions. That neverending battle between your brain & your heart. When you're stuck right in the middle of two things & you're constantly fluctuating between them. Decisions like these make me such an indecisive person & it frustrates the shit out of me when I put so much thought into them.

11:43 PM

If you’re gonna be a bitch about things, I’ll be a bitch right back. I’m done giving in all the time, trying to make things better between the two of us. Your happiness doesn’t mean anything to me anymore & I’m not afraid to play fire with fire now. 

Two can play at this game.

11:39 PM

So it's okay for you to give me attitude, but the second I give you attitude, you decide to not talk to me until I "cool down"? What kind of logic is that? If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be in the dilemma we're in right now. I've been trying so hard to not blame you, in fact, I've been putting the blame on myself this entire time. And for what? For you to save face? No. I was willing to do anything for you. You were the one person I put everything aside for, even when I had other important things to pay attention to. And this is how you repay me? I feel like you've taken our friendship for granted. What happened to always being straightup with each other? To being able to read each other like a book? Hah, I guess a lot of things have changed this summer. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty sad about this, but I should have seen it coming this entire time.

9:40 PM

You're the shittiest best friend in the world, yet for some reason, I can never stay mad at you for a long period of time. You piss me off 75% of the time we hang out (which is extremely rare, might I add) & the other 25%, I'm just bitter at how you never make time for me. But I have a soft spot for you. Always have, always will. I can go on for days about how you're the worst friend & how I'm the one always putting effort into our friendship, yet I can't imagine my life without you. Because even though I'm not one of your top priorities, you're the only one who has seen me at my worst & has still stuck with me. You read me like the back of your hand, even when we go weeks without talking. So yes, you're one of the worst friends I've ever had, yet you're also one of the best friends I've ever had & I'm extremely thankful for you. Make more time for me though, cuhs God knows you're gonna be super MIA once school starts for you. _l_

3:16 AM

Thank you for being the one person who will actually confront me about certain problems you have with me. I'm honestly so grateful to have you in my life & it feels so good knowing I have a #1 now. You & I have been through hell & back & in all honesty, I'd do it all over again. You're the best & I love you, despite our stupidass conversations about everything & anything. ^_^

10:16 PM

If there's one thing that pisses me off, it's being kept waiting. I'm a busy person, too. Sitting around waiting for you to finish whatever you're up to is not my ideal day during the summer. Especially when we had this planned for a while. I got out of bed early, I did my makeup & my hair, I got dressed, & I cancelled every other plan that I had for the day. I did all of that just so you can bail on me? I've been sitting in the same seat for more than 10 hours waiting for you. You wanted a boba date, I planned a boba date. Don't tell me you're full from dinner & you don't want to go out cuhs you feel janky. You had all damn day to get ready. And what else do you expect us to do if you don't want to go out where people will see you? Don't ever get pissed when I don't make time for you in the near future. I have done so much to hang out with you, only to have you flake the fuck out. UGH.

2:38 AM

• Channel Orange has been on repeat for the past week.
• High off life as of tonight! Blessed with fun people & good vibes.
• My summer's beginning to look up, not that it hasn't been great these past couple of weeks.
• I really want my Disneyland pass to be unblocked already.
• Castle Crashers will honestly never get old.
• FINALLY got my BDubs craving over with.
• The Dark Knight Rises midnight premiere this weeeeek!
• Extremely content. Thank you, Jesus.

1:04 AM

I don't understand you. You expect everyone to obey your every command - to alter their schedules to whenever you're free, to keep you as their #1 - when you don't ever do the same. You don't think about anyone but yourself when it comes down to it, yet you get annoyed the moment you realize people can & do have more fun without you. When will you learn the world doesn't revolve around you? How dare you expect me to just wait around for you, to just rot at home this summer until you finally have time to hang out with me? Yeah, I'm aware you're busy. But just cuhs you're busy doesn't mean I can't be either. I'm not replacing you with anyone. You know I'd still put anything aside for you if you ever need me. But til that time comes, I want to enjoy my summer just as much as you're enjoying your own. Who are you to tell me who I can & can't hang out with? You do you, & lemme do me. Thank you for listening to me through all my hard times & for keeping my secrets secrets. But it's not a one-sided friendship, cuhs I've done the same for you. I thought we'd be one of those pairs who don't always have to constantly be around each other, but I guess I thought wrong. Maybe if you'd lighten up a little on your attitude & the way you treat others, people would actually hit you up & want to hang out with you. If you wake up one day & you realize you have no one, just remember you were the one who brought this all upon yourself. Stop blaming others & start changing yourself before you throw your accusations around carelessly. Grow up. We're not in high school anymore.

3:26 AM

Hey there, blogspot. Haven't used you in a while.

I'm really annoyed with the amount of people that are on tumblr now. I feel like I can't make any personal posts & it's really annoying cuhs everyone's just all up in my face whenever I do. SoOoOoOo I finally remembered my password to blogspot & here I am!

Anyways, I woke up this morning with a gigantic headache & I realized I missed you more than ever. So much has changed between us in this past year & now that I look back at it, I feel like you & I are completely different people now. What I don't understand is how you still treat me like how you treated me then. How you decide to just vanish, & then out of nowhere, just come back as if nothing happened. I never understood how I always give in to it & how I never was able to just walk away from everything. I feel like you'll always have this grasp on me & that honestly terrifies me. I don't like belonging to people. The mere thought of being attached to someone makes me want to gag. I feel like no matter how many times I try to rebuild the walls I'm so used to, you'll always be the one who'll tear them down in less than a second. You're the only person who has had this type of influence on me & I feel like no matter where I run away from you, you'll always end up finding me. But eh, I guess there's really nothing to do but suck it up. I wasted enough time on you these past couple of years, with the result of absolute shit, but I guess I should be used to it by now, right?