so,

going off on one of my previous posts about my sensitive spot. i hate that this keeps getting to me. it's like a ghost of my past that never fails to make me feel like shit after a good day. it haunts the shit out of me like no other & i hate the feeling it brings with it every time. i feel bad that i always have to vent to the same person cuhs every time he tells me to do one thing, i do the other. but i'm glad i have him cuhs he gets me & he doesn't hate me after i make the dumbass decisions. but seriously. why ? why why why ? i thought i was over him. i thought i told myself to be the better person and let her do whatever she wanted to do. i thought they should have their own happy lives, without me in them. it still bugs me cuhs i'm still recovering (god, i sound like a druggie outta rehab) & she's doing these things for the wrong reasons. little miss "i'm gonna flirt with you only cuhs i know i won't ever fall for you but i still want to lead you on" fuck you, backstabbing bitch.

WHY.

es-cuh-yooooz meh, but can you please tell me why i’m trippin’ balls over the smallest thing that (i thought) wasn’t important to me anymore ?

why am i letting this get to me when i thought i was weeks over it ?
why is it that whenever i still hear all this crap i get pissed ?
why can’t i just let go & let it be ?
why is this still a sensitive spot for me ?
-______________-

* i hate that you probably know it’s you i’m talking about, but you’re in that state of denial where you’re just hoping it’s not you. or maybe you’re not hoping; you just have the mentality that it’s someone else. i hate that i can say all this isssh about you behind your back and/or on tumblr / blogger / myspace but i can never tell you straight to your face. let’s get one thing straight though: it’s not that i’m a pussy; it’s just the fact that i can’t bring myself to say all this stuff to you. like you won’t be able to handle it or something. oh, i don’t know — maybe you’re just as sensitive as me. you tell me to stop flirting with guys when you’re the one who needs to stop. at least i keep it one digit. you’re probably all the way in the three digit zones. i hate your stupid “way-of-life rule”: you flirt with guys who you know will like you, but you will never like them back. stupid girl, you’re gonna get nowhere.

apchem.

is knocking the shit outta me. i wake up every morning, only to find myself sleeping in that class right when goya opens his fucking mouth. i'm surprised i passed first semester with a 70.05%. it kinda made me want to stay, since i promised kaitlyn i'd stay if i got a c or higher. but it's already the first week of second semester and i'm already dying. i don't get shit. i still have three weeks to decide if i want to drop or not and aid for bento-smith. fml -__-

public enemies.

"i like baseball, movies, good clothes, whiskey, fast cars, & you. what else you need to know ?"

oh, you charmer, you !
i love johnny depp. ♥

flashback.

october 27, 2009.

i really shouldn't be thinking about this.
can't fuckin' help it though. haaaaaah.

finals week.

i'm fucking stressing like no otheeer.
i have my trig final tomorrow & even though schaefer's letting us use a 3x5 notecard, he only said formulas. but i wrote down identities anyway & i have a gut feeling he's gonna trash my notecard and yell at me till i cry. ): i'm ridiculously paranoid & i know i should just make a new one overall, but DAYUM, i need those freaking identities. i just spent 20 minutes on the phone with agnes comparing the formulas we have on our's. i'm thinking of switching notecards in the middle of the final, but then again, i'm scared shitless of getting caught. he already thinks i'm a cheater cuhs of frickin' brandon. ): askufhvadobgwiaga. fml.

wednesday's spanish & history.
thursday's apchem & english.

oh, & i'm dropping ap chem. hopefully mrs. burns won't be such a bitch about it & try to persuade me to stay cuhs hail no, i can't fucking take goya's lack of teaching skills any longer.

"best friend"

thanks, shithead. i guess you can use our inside joke on some little slut. and then i find out you're the one who fucked up my keyboard. lsafjaoibjadb. i TRY to talk to you cuhs i know we're drifting like crazy, but i guess you still choose her, huh ? even after all that shit you said about her ? "oh, she's too clingy. it's annoying." annoying my ass. yeah ? well, fuck you too then.

jonathan mother fucking liu.

you fucking cunt licking bastard of a brother. the next time any of your mother fucking bitchass / douchebag friends come over, you tell them my desk is fucking off limits. they do not come near it, they do not use my chair to sit in, they do not touch anything that is of my property. & the keyboard cleaner, dad gave that to me. TO ME. not to you, you fucking dipshit. the can's fucking empty now cuhs your fucking friends keep playing with it. fuckers fucked up my fucking keyboard. you douchefuck. first you steal my fucking jalepeno chips, now your fucking friends fuck up my shit. ohhailno. next time this happens, you're the one getting fucked up this time.