2 years. 2.

Best friends for 2 years and all you & I had was a summer fling? Where's the loyalty in that? You don't do that to your best friend. You don't do that to anyone.

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

And who do you think you are, runnin' 'round leaving scars?

Collecting your jar of hearts, & tearing love apart.

You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.
So don't come back for me; who do you think you are?

Romans 8:31

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

10/21/11

Never realized how much I missed everyone til tonight. ♥ (':

Homewreckers.

I know it's wrong of me to hate you, but it's honestly so hard not to. You knew he was mine & yet you still got in between us. The fact that you told people you felt bad, but made no effort to avoid getting involved pisses me the FUCK off. You say you're not gonna let players get to you no more? It was so easy for him to walk away from me & I was his best friend for two years. Two. What makes you think he's not gonna just leave you once something new comes his way again? Hah, so naive. But whatevs, one woman's trash is another's treasure, right? I tried warning you, despite everything you did, & yet you're still going for it cuhs "he makes you feel special"? Stupid girl, you're already blinded.

Goodbye.

I gave you everything I was willing to offer. I did so much for you; from pushing my doubts aside to doing whatever it took for me to see you, even for a quick minute. I tried to keep you in my life for so fucking long and by doing so, I put your happiness before mine. I put my pride aside for you countless times, making me just that much more vulnerable to you. And for you to just completely throw it back at me was such a slap in the face. It's always my fault, though, right? My fault for caring so much, my fault for trying to give you space because I didn't want to come on too strong, my fault for constantly telling myself you wouldn't do me dirt. So yeah, I take responsibility for just throwing my heart at you only to have you grind it up before returning it to me. Have fun with your new whore. You & I both know she's not going to care for you as much as I did. Hah, downgrade for days. Moving on to bigger, better things though, right? Deuces.

Womp.

• Pretty pathetic how I found out you use the same moves on your new girl. Don't know whether I'm sad or if I should laugh it off. I've honestly been trying so hard to not think about things, but when it's late at night, I can't help but to think. Shit's annoying as fuck & now I'm mad at myself for wanting to keep living in the past. You're holding me back from so many different opportunities and I just want to move the fuck on already.
• Some girl from In Sync recognized me last week. "I remember watching you perform!" (': I'M KNOWN. SOMEONE FROM BURBANK RECOGNIZES ME. ^____^
• So proud of you for staying loyal. Chin up, mah dood. He'll be out before you know it. (:
• Is it weird I don't miss home at all? I stayed the weekend in Riverside & I loved it. So much more free & peaceful here. It's effin' great.
• You are a whore & I hate you.

Thoughts.

• My main reason for going home last weekend was so I could see Daisy one last time before she left for Korea. But I didn't & I'm still in denial that she's leaving. I'm gonna miss all the late night BDubs adventures & sitting outside my house while her & Nicole stog. I'm sorry I couldn't send you off, bby, but that's just more of a reason for you to come back to me ~ I love you. ♥
• Don't even have the motherfucking decency to say goodbye? Hah, should have known you had it in you. You're a fucking coward. But what people say is right - college does make you forget about things of your past. So here's one last deuces to you. Don't you dare try coming back.
• You don't know it yet, but you & I are gonna get married. I honestly thought you were the last person who'd be able to pick up the pieces for me, but it's nice to know you're there. (:
• There's a fine line between being a friend & watching out for me and being a creep & a dick, telling me shit you know I don't wanna hear. Back the fuck up; you know how vulnerable I still am.
• I don't even know you anymore. What the fuck happened to you?
• Thank you for always providing for me, for going out of your way to help me, & for just being there for me. I've honestly taken you for granted these past 17 years & I just wanna say I really do appreciate the little things you do - whether they're to make me smile or just to help me get through life. Love & miss you!
  

So ignorant, SMH!

The fact that you'd listen to 2 bitches who you KNOW get into a shitload of trouble for all the gossip they spread over your own goddamn sister really says a lot. I don't even know what the fuck happened to you so why the fuck would you even think I'd go around saying shit? If you haven't already guessed, I couldn't give two fucks about what you've been up to. You sending me stupid texts like, "Call me back if you wanna live." & "You better call me back or I'm gonna smack you across the face." thinking they scare me is hilarious. Who the fuck are you to threaten me with your ignorant, empty words? You think you're so fucking tough in front of your friends, but we both know when it's just you, you're nothing but a baby, crying in your own goddamn corner when shit doesn't go your way. Can't even cry to momma anymore cuhs even she's pretty much disowned you. Believe whatever the fuck you wanna believe, but don't fucking accuse me of shit you got yourself into. Especially when I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Dumbass.

College.

Definitely a new experience & I'm glad to say I think I can actually adjust to it. Late night adventures with Calvin, Will, Evangeline, Brandon, & Eddie dormhopping & sitting in random halls' lounges watching Pixar films & short films + all you can eat lunches & dinner. It's great ! And I don't have to put up with my family anymore; just people from Diamond Bar that I would never have guessed I'd get this close with. The showers aren't as gross as I thought they'd be, my RA & PC are hilarious, Eddie's Costco while Calvin's HMart, & I have no effin' curfew. My roommate & I have bonded over our love for Disney(land) & we pretty much have the same interest in music. My English professor's hilarious AF & my other 2 professors seem chill enough. Tues - Thurs classes ftw ! Bring it on, fall quarter. 8)

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to live without you, can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance, my back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do.

REMINDER.

Bad decisions make good stories.

8/22/11

Finally reunited with my second home & it feels so gooOoOoOOoOd. (': ♥

Late nights.

I'm scared to ask what we are/establish anything cuhs I feel like it'd push you away. You, of all people, know I can't stand getting attached to anyone. And it sucks cuhs we both know how I already am. I want to believe we'll have that fairy-tale kind of romance & shit, but it's hard when I know of your reputation & of the things that you have done & when I think of the things you could do. All I ask is that you don't do me dirt although I'm sure somewhere down the line, you will. And I guess it's okay, seeing how I'm kinda expecting it, but I just hope that by then I'd have pushed you far enough so that it won't hurt as much.

So sick.

I'm sick of your constant stupid decisions. I'm sick of you coming to me asking for advice & doing the complete opposite of what I tell you to do. I'm sick of never being able to have a decent conversation without you turning it back onto yourself. I'm sick of always pulling through for you. I'm sick of you never being there for me. I'm sick of you putting other people before me when you know I drop everything when you need me. I'm sick of the random texts you send to me when you have no one else to vent to. I'm sick of your bullshit stories, your stupid lies, & just you in general. Get the fuck out of my life. There's no room for selfish, conceited bitches like you anymore.

Broomballing.

One of the best summer nights so far. ♥

Pre-college

Already disconnected myself from the bitches I'm not gonna need for the next 4 years & did the final headcount of who's staying. It's honestly really surprising how many people turn their backs on you once you fuck up. Whatevs, as Nicole said, “Bitches before me were mistakes & bitches after me are downgrades.”
Deucessssss. (;

Hi honey,

Hop off his dick please. He's mine now; get over it. I thought you were the one who wanted to give up on him in the first place. The one who said he's never been worth it. The one who only wanted to keep him as an acquaintance after graduating.

So fuck off.

Lover/Friend.

"You're a part time lover & a full time friend." - Juno

Maybe it's cuhs you've pretty much been my best guy friend since forever. But I'm honestly really surprised how comfortable we are with each other even after we've taken our relationship to a whole new different level. Not to make this sound all cliche & shit, but it's like a dream come true. I'm literally myself around you; I burp, I cuss, I eat like a motherfucking pig. I don't feel the need to have to impress you ever & I can kick it with you in sweats with my hair tied up. 75% of our conversations consist of us joking around with each other - texting in all caps, using inside jokes, the whole sha-bang.
Thank you for caring when no one else does, for always pulling through for me, & for treating me exactly like how I'd like to be treated. Whenever you catch me staring & ask why, I'm honestly just soaking in the fact that what we have is real. I look back at everything we've been through & smile to myself thinking I'm the luckiest. (:

HP7.2

Successful shirts (=

I swore to myself

I didn't believe in love,
But damn, you really got me lost in my own mind.

Summa dayssss,

Just sittin' around but when the sun goes down,
I'll be ready to partaaaaay - aaaaay !;
Ain't nothin' like them summa nightssssss (;

♥

Honey,

You really need to know your place. What even made you think you were gonna become president of the choir department ? This year was your first year in an advanced choir. Accept the fact that she won already & stop trying to overthrow her and the whole choir board in general by trying to find ways to "raise money for the choir department next year". It's fucking pathetic & it's really starting to irritate me. Because of this whole thing, you've not only lost your best friend, but you've lost everyone's respect for you. Stop embarrassing yourself even more & just let it be. You're only gonna be ruining your senior year for yourself.

Needed to get this off my chest.

I'm glad you found a new group to finally fit in, but really ? Did it really have to be that one ? The one group you know gave me the most shit all through senior year, the one group that contains all the people that pretty much hate me, the one group that you know will soon fuck you over ? I know it's wrong of me to say that you somewhat owe me for what I've done for you so far, but really. It's getting ridiculous. How can you call me one of your so called most trusted friends when you deliberately turned your back on me the second I needed you most ? Especially to THEM ? Everyone was right. I really need to stop listening to my own voice & start taking in other peoples' advice. Cuhs in the end, it's always me getting fucked over for people I sacrifice literally everything for. I was your only friend when no one was. I held my hand out to you when there was no one else's hand to grab. I took the shit I was getting for being "too nice" and "stupid" for sticking to you. I cancelled my plans all the time to hang out with you to make sure you never felt lonely or rejected. And how do you repay me ? By becoming best fucking friends with them. Oh my Lord, are you really that desperate for friends these days ? I just can't wait for the day they fuck you over just like how they've each individually fucked me over & you have no one else once again. Cuhs guess what bitch ? My door's gonna be completely locked with the key gone forever & I'm not gonna be there for you. You've honestly crossed my line of respect & all I can do now is sit back, wait, & laugh for the day your world comes crashing down on you once again.

FUCK YOU.

I'm done.
Don't even try coming back this time.

Deuces.

Emotional wreck.

• Same shit, different day. Mixed signals are no bueno. I'm sick & tired of knocking down my walls all the time when it seems like you don't.
• I hate bitches who aren't there for you as much as you are for them.
• Summer '11 is definitely not as epic as I though it'd be. In need of an adventure. Pronto.
• Don't want to go on this fucking cruise.
• Nobody's nocturnal these days. I fucking hate staying up alone.
• Too many different emotions, yet I don't know how to put it into words. I hate bottling shit up.
• Last 2 Disneyland days open are this week. What the fuck am I gonna do now... -_-
  

Graduation Day.

Today was such a blur. Definitely doesn't feel like I've graduated yet.

Done.

Deuces.

Solitaire '10-'11.

Best family I can ask for. ♥

Rant.

1. When I asked everyone if they had a pad, it came off like I was the one who needed it. You rolling your eyes & saying, "I would have done that if I wanted everyone to know." was just pathetic. First of all, what does it matter ? They were all girls anyway. And plus, they're pretty much family. Don't fucking give ME attitude when I went out of MY fucking way to get YOU something YOU obviously needed.
   
2. Ask yourself who was there for you when you had no one else. Yeah, ME. You going off and becoming best friends with the people I hate most really shows how desperate you are for friends & what a true friend you are. I should have listened to what everyone was telling me. About how shady you are, about how pathetic you really are, about how you jump through groups like there's no tomorrow. Hahahahah, have a good time at prom, bitch.
3. Stop going back to the one bitch that makes your life miserable. You're pathetic for never being able to move on & say no when you want to. And you swear like I'm your late night booty call or some shit like that. Uh, what the fuck ? Why don't you suck my dick. Grow up & talk to me when you truly sort your priorities out & you've decided who's worth staying with & who's not.
   

Time After Time.

Things seem to be looking up for me. (: Got asked to prom, decided on Riverside for 2 years, then transferring to BU, fixed relationships, & sorted out all my priorities. Officially graduating in 4 weeks. The musical's gonna be done on Saturday & NGL, I'm not ready to say goodbye to my Footloose family. Spring concert's in 2 weeks & senior circle is the following Monday. Definitely not ready to say goodbye to my girls either. Graduating seems so bittersweet now, but I guess all I can do is look forward. I'm so ready for summer '11 - spending it with good people at good places with good vibes. ♥ (:

Gamboaaaaaa !

Thank you for keeping me sane for the past 2 weeks, putting up with all my bitter bullshit, & going Confucius-say on me. Do werk this week & rape all your AP tests, you effin' Asian. Love you & can't wait to make breakfast with you & Dson for 43 other people after prom ! ^_^ ♥

Bitter.

There is way too much going on in this brain of mine. Too many deadlines, too little time. Too many fucking bitches I've yet to deal with, too many people I want to deck in the face. Too many decisions. BU or UCR ? Prom or no prom ? Take the AP test or don't ?

Money's too big of a problem, unsupportive parents are a pain in the ass, & backstabbing "friends" are getting way too overrated. I fucking hate everything.

You're right.

I'll admit I've been pretty MIA when it comes to you. But that's cuhs I've been so fucking sick of your negative attitude & how you always manage to kill my mood. You call me your best friend yet you never want to hear what I have to say. You come crying to me for advice, & when I give it to you, you do the complete opposite. I'll be walking on sunshine one minute & the next, I'll feel like killing myself after speaking to you for a minute. I'm sorry, but I just don't want to surround myself with your bullshit. You're so full of shit. You can't be real to anyone's face & honestly, I sometimes wonder if you're being real with me or not. You say you're a hard ass motherfucker but we both know when it comes down to it, you'd never hit a bitch like you say you would. I don't know how some people can put up with you, but I for one can't. I'm sorry, but I don't like surrounding myself with people who call themselves my best friends, yet try so fucking hard to bring me down all the time. It's my senior year & I'm not about to let you ruin the last 2 months of it. Deuces.

Prom Asking #1.

Most successful asking ever. (: So happy for Kat & Marsh ! ♥

THE HUNT IS ON.

In need of a prom date. Requirements ?

• At least 6 feet. (I want to wear my pumps...)
• Willing to dance. (What's the point of going to a dance if you ain't gon' dance ?!)

If you know anyone, please notify me ASAP.
Tickets go on sale in a weeeeeek.

College.

Boston University, C/O 2015 ♥

Fantasmic!

I've missed you. (': ♥

Bitches.

1. The NERVE of you to even bother showing up. Honestly, I blame you for us not placing first. Don't you dare say you deserve to be in the front row just because you're a senior veteran. You do not try at all. You come to practice LATE & you always come up with a stupid excuse like "I'm sick" or "I don't feel well." You do not participate at all. You say you've been considering to quit for the past forever ? Then why the fuck haven't you quit yet ? You're all talk. Bitch, grow the fuck up. None of us are in the mood to deal with your pathetic bullshit anymore. If you're in, then be a part of our family. If you're out, then fuck you too.
2. Oh you're soOoOoOoOOoOoooO cool. Stop beating around the bush. Instead, why don't you grow a sac & come talk to me face to face. I don't have the time to deal with your shit. If you think you're bringing me down, you're not. If anything, you're making me stronger.
3. Fuuuuck you for making my life so damn confusing. If you wanna say cute shit like that, then do it daily. Don't wait till you've almost lost me & then say it, hoping I'll come crawling back for you. Cuhs honestly, I do. And shit sucks cuhs I know I'm getting myself into a bigger hole that I'm never gonna be able to crawl out of. Can you just please ask yourself who's put up with your complete bullshit for the past, 2 years ? Haaah. Yeah, me. So get your priorities straight & stop making me an option, ya dunce.
4. I'm most likely never gonna see or talk to you ever again after graduation so there's no point in me even bothering to make amends. Although I must admit, I have been considering it. If you ever touch my girls again, I will cut your balls off with a dull scissor just to make the pain longer. And believe me, you know I will.
5. Trust, I want to go with you. But I don't want to make things awkward between us. You're like a brother to me & if anything did happen, I know you wouldn't have a good time. Please understand I'm doing this for the benefit of our friendship. You deserve to go with someone else - someone you like, someone who likes you. Just have patience; I'm sure you'll end up finding an answer to this problem.
   

Sigh.

February's coming to an end which means March is coming up which means I'M THAT MUCH CLOSER TO GRADUATING. I'm honestly so excited to graduate. I mean, yeah, I'll somewhat miss high school, but I'm so down to start fresh. I want somewhere far from Diamond Bar. I want to turn my head and not see an Asian for once. They say you meet your best friends in college. I want to cut off all connections I have here in Diamond Bar and just make new friends in college. I'm so ready for a new beginning.

Burbank Blast !

4th place out of 5. (: Love you, Solitaire ♥
Brea Olinda this week, then hosting GNO next week !

Dish-nay-lay-und.

Fuck yes. (:

Happy February !

• Mama Liu's in Israel for 10 days, HEHE.
  
• Finally starting competition season. Next week !
• Chine$e New Year on Thursday.
• Finally buying a Disneyland pass of my own. ♥
• Officially done with CommonApp.
• GLAD (Gentlemen & Lads Appreciation Dinner) @ church.
• JUSTO LAMAS concierto ^_________^
• Hosting Girl's Night Out.

MmMmM ~ Please be good to me.

PS - Say hello to Kaleb ! Cute ass motherfucker. (: ♥

Candy apple red.

THANK YOU JANICE ♥ ♥ ♥

YOU BITCH.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ? YOU BITCH. YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCH. YOU ARE PATHETIC. YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME. YOU'VE LEARNED HALF OF THE THINGS YOU NOW KNOW BECAUSE OF ME. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE. AND NOW, ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN, YOU FEEL THE NEED TO GO BUY YOURSELF SOME ? YAY FOR YOU, FUCKING DIPSHIT. YAY. FOR. YOU.


I'm so fucking heated right now. I swear to God, I'm gonna fucking slap the shit out of this bitch. Oh. My. GOD.

Take me to Alaska ♥

1. Thanks for caring way more than what I ask for. The small & cute things you do seriously make my day, but then there's that one little thing that's still there & it's just standing in the way. I still don't know if you're fuckin' with me or not but let's just say that as of right now, I really don't mind. Kinda stupid on my part & I know it'll fuck me over in the future, but it's just so hard to ignore you. HAHA.
2. GTF outta here already. Having a throwback once a week is no bueno.
3. I love that we're still close even though we never see each other. Thank you for listening to my rants & stupid shit. It really means a lot to me that you're keeping my secret safe.
4. You've taken your immaturity to a whole new different level. You jumping to a conclusion that you know would never work for me is just plain stupid. I'm surprised you trust bitches you've known for like, a month, over me who you've practically known your whole life. And you're able to forgive your so called "best friend" who has fucked you over COUNTLESS times & you can't even drop something that didn't even happen. HAH. Whatever, you're stupid & I'm glad you're outta my life.
5. I like how we've gotten closer ever since you got grounded. HAHA. Fat children for daaaays.
   
6. Fuck your fat, bitch ass. HAH. You are a pebble on the floor when compared to me. Your words will not change what people will think about me. It's always gonna be my words over yours. So stop trying to fuck up my friendships, you pathetic little fuck.
7. You're changing. Everyone thinks so, too. Stop. Please. I want the old you back. Please don't be the reason why my senior year will suck.
   

FINALS.

Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit.
Real talk though, senioritis is a pain in the ass. I barely come home right after school & even when I do, I head straight for my computer. Schoolwork isn't a priority anymore & it's horrible. I slack off, I don't do any of my homework, I'm failing all my tests. And the worst part is I honestly don't even give a fuck. I'm fine with slacking, even though I know how it'll fuck up my future. Finals are going to rape me up the ass. I just know it.

Fuck it. THUG LIFE.

Oh PS - Happy New Year.
19 weeks till graduation, motherfuckers. C/O 2011 all the waaaaay.