Wednesday, December 11, 2013

1:11 AM

So this is it, huh? To be honest, I didn't think it'd end like this. For some reason I had hope that we'd actually try & make it all work. That you'd finally give in to your feelings & would say, "Screw distance." But yeah, I guess whatever happens, happens for the best. Frustrating how we both kind of just let it fizzle out though. 

You have no right to be upset with me, because from what I remember, you were the one who refused to let anything happen. You can't just talk to me like we're something, date me when I go to you, & then just let things go back to the way they were once I left. And whatever happened to you coming to me? I'm so sick of always pulling through for you when you won't even acknowledge what I am to you. Let your stupid pride down every once in a while, will ya? Don't you dare say I didn't do anything for you because I have done nothing but try to make you feel like someone actually cares for you from here. You let me go, slowly but surely, & you have no one to blame but yourself.

Maybe we're better off without each other. Or maybe in a couple of years, we'll bump into each other & try to make it work then. Who knows. It's been fun for now though, I guess. Have a nice life.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

8:28 PM

I'm scared what happened turned out to be intentional on my part. I keep telling myself it was you or it was just something done subconsciously but the more I think about it, I'm pretty sure we both wanted it to happen & that terrifies me. Now I'm stuck in this awkward situation & I wanna hold it off til September so I can figure things out but we both still have the summer together & algjseofbhuasf;noa;fuh.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

2:27 PM

Good people, good vibes, good times these past couple of weekends.

Way too excited for the summer!!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

1:28 AM

A list of bands/artists I'd like to see in concert before I die:
  • The Killers
  • The Xx
  • Mumford & Sons
  • Norah Jones
  • Florence + the Machine
  • Zedd
  • Phoenix
  • Two Door Cinema Club
  • Ellie Goulding
  • Coldplay
  • Of Monsters & Men
  • Iggy Azalea
  • Passion Pit
  • Joshua Radin

Sunday, May 12, 2013

1:09 AM

I fall in love with SoCal even more as each day progresses. I'm seriously so lucky & blessed to be surrounded by amazing cities - LA being my #1. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

9:23 PM

But it was not your fault but mine,
And it was your heart on the line,
I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?

I'm sorry.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

11:34 PM

Never gonna be as pretty as she is.
Never gonna be as talented as she is.
Never gonna be as "out there" as she is.

I get it - I'm not her. But is that the type of person you want? Are you seriously going to compare everyone, including me, to her? Some people walk out of our lives without apologizing & honestly, it's stupid & naive for you to think that she's different. She's not coming back; learn to let go. 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

12:02 AM

It's amazing how a little bit of attention can get a girl goin'. Don't even know this boy & he's already calling out my name every time he sees me & poking fun at me. Why is it that girls always fall head over heels for douchebags/cockyass guys? Is it because they feel like they're not good enough for their attention & once they start receiving it, they feel "special"? It's ridiculous what girls will do for a speck of acknowledgement & how much they crave it.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

9:09 PM

I'm all for being open with each other, but when you start going into my room without a) asking & b) me not being in there, it's kinda crossing the line. I don't care if people were downstairs & the master bedroom was being occupied. You have your own damn room. It's not my fault it's always so messy in there; maybe you should think of cleaning it before someone visits you. And for you to not clean up after yourself after it's been a whole weekend? Uh, no. You do not get to use my room without asking me, nor are you allowed to leave your shit in there. How do you think I'm gonna react when I come back & walk into a mess? You KNOW I hate messy things & that my room is my home away from home. How dare you invade my privacy like this. Don't give me that puppy dog bs, overusing your sorrys & stupid emoticons. Ugh.

Friday, April 5, 2013

11:35 PM

Spring quarter has finally begun! I'm actually really excited for this quarter because it means it's almost summer. On the real tho, the thought of summer makes me so ridiculously happy. I can't wait to be reunited with everyone & staying out late doing everything & anything. Nothin' but good vibes & good people. ^_^

Anyways, my schedule for this quarter's goes a littttttle late on Mondays & Wednesdays (I end at 6:30 PM) but the sun's still up by the time I'm out of class so it's all good! I don't have class on Fridays either so I guess it's more time for myself & God. I kinda gave up on doing devos this year after I missed a week so my walk with God has been a little off. But I've been blessed with housemates who continue to push me to read the Word & I've kinda picked it back up? I lovelovelove the book of Romans & I've also started reading Hosea. It's amazing reading about a man who obeys the Lord no matter what (ie: marrying a prostitute) & it really pushes me to become an obedient woman of God. I continue to forget God's on my side & have been taking my problems into my own hands but reading Hosea & Romans really put me back on track.

I came home this weekend because my grandma's leaving California & going back to Oklahoma with my aunt because there's no one here that can really take care of her & we decided to have one last dinner for her. I guess I was somewhat close to my grandma, but at the same time I regret not spending enough time with her. I never went out of my way to visit her & the only times we would see each other would be at family get-togethers like Thanksgiving & Christmas. The fact that tonight was probably the last time I'd ever see her is taking its time to hit me. This is the woman who always drove from Arcadia to Diamond Bar to babysit me when I was a kid, whose secret ingredient for delicious spaghetti was cut up hot dogs, & who sewed all my ripped clothes back up. I hate that it's taken me this long to realize how much of an impact she's had on my life & I hate that I'll never be able to thank her for everything she's done for me. Let this be a note to continuously thank the people who have made you into a better person & to spend as much as you can with them. 

Once again, I can NOT wait for the summer & for September!!! So excited for Boston (o:

Monday, March 25, 2013

11:28 PM

I'm sorry if this post makes it seem like I'm bragging, but it's been such a long time since I've had a good day so I just wanna document it so I can look back & remember how happy I was on Monday, March 25 of 2013.
  • Vikarlinthi reunion for the first time in 2 years? Visited UCI, sat in a car for what felt like forever (but it's okay because OC weather is the best weather), got really good breakfast food for lunch, & sat around updating each other about the boys in our lives. Felt so good to finally go on an adventure with the 3 people who have stuck with me since my first year of show choir! They are theee best. ♥
  • Dinner with my aunt who's visiting from Oklahoma, my grandma who's gonna leave California in a week, my dad who I haven't seen in forever, & his girlfriend. Lowkey was extremely hesitant to meet her because I kinda hoped he wouldn't find someone after my parents divorced, but it turns out she was better than I thought. It's really interesting seeing my dad in a relationship with a Korean woman because he was always so "keep-it-Taiwanese", but I'm really glad he's happy now. And apparently she's a bomb cook so WHOOP free kbbq all day, err day!
  • Convinced my dad to spot me for my plane ticket to Boston & he's letting me work for him in the summer so I can work it off & have money to spend when I go. So YAY, summer job!
  • I'M GOING TO BOSTON/THE EAST COAST. Finally get to visit the school of my dreams & play with my best friend because she's staying there for the summer so I'm making us happen in September. ^_^ And I finally get to meet all the people who show up on my newsfeed all the time. (Yknow those people who tag your friends everywhere on Facebook so you feel like you know them, but you really don't? Yeah. Story of my life.)
  • The perfume I've been looking for for a good month finally came in the mail! I accidentally got the cologne version of it & I couldn't find it for a reasonable price online til last week so I ordered it & YAY I CAN SMELL NICE FOR THE REST OF SPRING BREAK.
  • Came home & checked my grades for winter quarter & it turns out I got solid B's in both my history & American lit classes. Kinda hoped for an A in my history class, but whatevs, a B's fine too! Now I gotta just wait for my physics grade. Hashtag merp.
  • Ending my period. 'Nuff said.
  • Lately my brothers & I have gotten better at tolerating & doing favors for each other. It's been a while since we've been able to be like this & I'm really happy things are changing for the better. They're still trolls & twerps but it's at a point where it's funny & we can laugh about it instead of annoying & me wanting to shoot them. 
  • Planned out the rest of my spring break & I'm happy to say that I'm busy every day of this week! YAY SPRING BREAK ^___________^ ♥

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Thursday, March 7, 2013

2:41 AM

Life is so routine for me. Wake up, ditch a class, go to the other two, eat, nap, sleep, repeat. There's the occasional Boba Tea House runs or the trips to Disneyland but those two just feel like a second & third home. I know it's cliche to say "I need something new in my life", but honestly, I do. Sometimes I wonder how life would be like if I went to a different school. A completely different setting, surrounded by completely different people, doing completely different things. Would my study habits be the same? Would I become more of an extrovert or an introvert? Would I be doing other things? Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful for everything I have now, but a breath of fresh air every now & then would be nice. Maybe I'll go through some lifechanging event during spring break or summer vacation. Hopefully.

On a side note though, Heat was surprisingly fun! Porter Robinson kinda got me into EDM a little more, but to be honest, I still don't understand how people can listen to songs without lyrics & not stress out throughout the buildups before the drops. I kinda wanna go to a rave a) just to say that I've gone to one & b) to see if I can get more used to EDM. Who0o0o look at that - already forming an idea for a new experience.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

2:17 AM

It's baffling how tongue tied I get whenever I feel like the most important things need to be said. What I need is reassurance that this isn't a waste of my time. I need some sort of solid ground to put my feet on because as of right now, I feel like I'm walking on glass & I'm terrified of taking a wrong step & getting hurt. I'm sick of catering to people & not getting anything in return. I'm done living solely in the present. The future has never seemed so close & I've never felt so unprepared for it. 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

10:13 PM

Honestly, it kinda hurts knowing I'm not the one you think about at times like this. What do you expect me to do in a situation like right now? Just sit here like a little puppy & wait for you to stop living in the past? And you wonder why we're not giving this whole thing a shot.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

10:58 PM

I had a dream you rang my doorbell & when I opened the door, you were at my doorstep holding a bouquet of tulips. You then picked off a petal & put it in your mouth to remind me of why you think tulips are stupid because people used to eat them, but I thought it was the cutest thing because even though you hate tulips, you went out of your way to get me a bouquet because they're my favorite. It was a really nice surprise & I was upset when I woke up because I knew it would be a while before anything of that sort happens.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

2:29 AM

I know I've been a shit friend & I know that what I'm doing doesn't seem fair to you, but honestly, I can't help it. I don't understand why it's so hard for you to hit me up every once in a while & how easy it is for you to get so pissed because I already have plans. But I guess I owe it to you because if it weren't for you, I'd be completely fucked in the situation I'm in right now. As for the other thing, I don't think it's fair that you're telling me who I can & can't be friends with. I understand you're "looking out for me," but is that really what you're doing? You know I'm the type of person that needs to experience things for myself - whether it's failure or heartbreak or just shitty friendships/relationships. & I appreciate that you gave me a heads up, but in the end, doesn't it all come down to me? You can say your "I told you so"s later, but as for right now, I think I'm allowed to do what I want. Maybe I'm being selfish, or maybe you are, but I don't like where this is heading & I'm actually kinda terrified for the outcome.