10:58 PM

I had a dream you rang my doorbell & when I opened the door, you were at my doorstep holding a bouquet of tulips. You then picked off a petal & put it in your mouth to remind me of why you think tulips are stupid because people used to eat them, but I thought it was the cutest thing because even though you hate tulips, you went out of your way to get me a bouquet because they're my favorite. It was a really nice surprise & I was upset when I woke up because I knew it would be a while before anything of that sort happens.

2:29 AM

I know I've been a shit friend & I know that what I'm doing doesn't seem fair to you, but honestly, I can't help it. I don't understand why it's so hard for you to hit me up every once in a while & how easy it is for you to get so pissed because I already have plans. But I guess I owe it to you because if it weren't for you, I'd be completely fucked in the situation I'm in right now. As for the other thing, I don't think it's fair that you're telling me who I can & can't be friends with. I understand you're "looking out for me," but is that really what you're doing? You know I'm the type of person that needs to experience things for myself - whether it's failure or heartbreak or just shitty friendships/relationships. & I appreciate that you gave me a heads up, but in the end, doesn't it all come down to me? You can say your "I told you so"s later, but as for right now, I think I'm allowed to do what I want. Maybe I'm being selfish, or maybe you are, but I don't like where this is heading & I'm actually kinda terrified for the outcome.

2:37 AM

Didn't really feel like Christmas this year at all if you ask me. I'm so determined to spend winter on the east coast next year. I wanna walk around in the snow sippin' on a hot drink with someone I genuinely care for. And it really makes me sad when I'm talking to someone who lives on the east coast but has never had a legitimate Christmas because they have no siblings & their parents just don't celebrate Christmas. Give me a year & I'll come make it all better for you. ^_^

4:02 AM

Fuck, I'm so confused with everything right now. Things would be a lot easier if you were with me & we could figure everything out together. 

I can't wait til you finally come.

12:24 AM

I can't determine whether you're good for me or not. I hate saying this, but yeah, this time it feels kinda different.

It's weird being this open with my feelings, especially with someone like you. I used to hate being this type of person. I always put up this front about being independent and I only relied on myself for happiness. But for some apparent reason, you make me happy. We make me happy. Maybe it's the distance. Or maybe you are good for me.

And maybe I'm good for you.