Note to self:

There’s no pause button in life & there’s no way in hell it’s just gonna magically stop for you. It moves on & whether you like it or not, you’re going to have to eventually get the fuck over every little thing that’s thrown at you. Stop QQ-ing.

Happy November !

Started out the month with going to San Diego with Solitaire. ♥ Womp, I love my girls. (: SO excited for competition season to staaaart !

Shit daaaay.

1. I can't stand all the talking during choir - the class or the practices. All the little murmurs & comments about every little fucking thing bugs the shit outta me & I just wanna slap everyone. I mean, I love my girls, don't get me wrong, but there are times where I just want to let them know what they signed up for. This is ADVANCED; we know wsup. We set the example & we shouldn't be known for talking all the damn time. I feel a Vanessa-speech comin' up. I swear to God, I'm gonna lay it on these girls.
2. A year ago from today, I was the happiest bitch alive. Best day of my life, pretty much. Sucks how I can't get it off my mind & it's been eating me all day. Funny how things can change in a year, isn't it ?
3. COLLEGE APPS. 'Nuff said. Shit takes waaay too long to finish. Senior Profile's due in two days & I'm still not done. And I have the fear that I'm not going to make it into any of the colleges that I'm applying for. Fuck it, I'm gonna drop outta high school & just marry rich.
4. SAT scores come out tonight. At 2 fucking AM. Who the hell sends out scores at 2 in the morning !? Ya dunce, kids should be asleep by then. -______________- All I'm asking for is higher than 1800. Please be good to meeee.
   
5. SAT2s next weekend. Haaaaaaaaaah, Literature & Spanish. I haven't studied at all for them & they're probably gonna eat me alive, tambien.
6. I'm still fucking pissed after what you did. I really don't understand why you do the things you do. Thanks for playing with my fucking heart, you idiot. It's a wonder why I still keep you close as fuck & have all these bipolar ass feelings toward you.
   

Oh, college.

You're such a bitch. -____- Actually, I guess it's my fault for stalling this whole time. Fuck, I really need to learn how to prioritize. I'm not even halfway done with my senior profile, I don't know what the fuck a Secondary School Report is, I don't know when all the deadlines for letters of rec are, & I don't know where to find my transcript online. Basically, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing & I'm starting to stress. Greaaaat, this shit WOULD come outta nowhere & slap me in the face now... when EVERYTHING'S about to be due.

And on top of that, shit's changed. Hahaha, I knew it was too good to be true. I can't deal with all this shit at the same time, so I'm done. For now, at least. I'll get back to you after all this college stress is done with. Cuhs for once in my life, I'm actually putting you aside & boy, does it feel buenoooo.

. . .

That was so sudden, it's scary. Like, it was the last thing I would ever think would happen right now. As much as I'm telling myself to be happy it happened, I can't help but feel a little bit guilty & sad. And I want to rush & shit, but I guess I should wait a little for the better, huh ? I donut know. At least now I don't feel as guilty when I'm talking to you. But can you please send better signals ? Cuhs they'd help a bunch.