Romans 8:31

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

10/21/11

Never realized how much I missed everyone til tonight. ♥ (':

Homewreckers.

I know it's wrong of me to hate you, but it's honestly so hard not to. You knew he was mine & yet you still got in between us. The fact that you told people you felt bad, but made no effort to avoid getting involved pisses me the FUCK off. You say you're not gonna let players get to you no more? It was so easy for him to walk away from me & I was his best friend for two years. Two. What makes you think he's not gonna just leave you once something new comes his way again? Hah, so naive. But whatevs, one woman's trash is another's treasure, right? I tried warning you, despite everything you did, & yet you're still going for it cuhs "he makes you feel special"? Stupid girl, you're already blinded.

Goodbye.

I gave you everything I was willing to offer. I did so much for you; from pushing my doubts aside to doing whatever it took for me to see you, even for a quick minute. I tried to keep you in my life for so fucking long and by doing so, I put your happiness before mine. I put my pride aside for you countless times, making me just that much more vulnerable to you. And for you to just completely throw it back at me was such a slap in the face. It's always my fault, though, right? My fault for caring so much, my fault for trying to give you space because I didn't want to come on too strong, my fault for constantly telling myself you wouldn't do me dirt. So yeah, I take responsibility for just throwing my heart at you only to have you grind it up before returning it to me. Have fun with your new whore. You & I both know she's not going to care for you as much as I did. Hah, downgrade for days. Moving on to bigger, better things though, right? Deuces.

Womp.

• Pretty pathetic how I found out you use the same moves on your new girl. Don't know whether I'm sad or if I should laugh it off. I've honestly been trying so hard to not think about things, but when it's late at night, I can't help but to think. Shit's annoying as fuck & now I'm mad at myself for wanting to keep living in the past. You're holding me back from so many different opportunities and I just want to move the fuck on already.
• Some girl from In Sync recognized me last week. "I remember watching you perform!" (': I'M KNOWN. SOMEONE FROM BURBANK RECOGNIZES ME. ^____^
• So proud of you for staying loyal. Chin up, mah dood. He'll be out before you know it. (:
• Is it weird I don't miss home at all? I stayed the weekend in Riverside & I loved it. So much more free & peaceful here. It's effin' great.
• You are a whore & I hate you.

Thoughts.

• My main reason for going home last weekend was so I could see Daisy one last time before she left for Korea. But I didn't & I'm still in denial that she's leaving. I'm gonna miss all the late night BDubs adventures & sitting outside my house while her & Nicole stog. I'm sorry I couldn't send you off, bby, but that's just more of a reason for you to come back to me ~ I love you. ♥
• Don't even have the motherfucking decency to say goodbye? Hah, should have known you had it in you. You're a fucking coward. But what people say is right - college does make you forget about things of your past. So here's one last deuces to you. Don't you dare try coming back.
• You don't know it yet, but you & I are gonna get married. I honestly thought you were the last person who'd be able to pick up the pieces for me, but it's nice to know you're there. (:
• There's a fine line between being a friend & watching out for me and being a creep & a dick, telling me shit you know I don't wanna hear. Back the fuck up; you know how vulnerable I still am.
• I don't even know you anymore. What the fuck happened to you?
• Thank you for always providing for me, for going out of your way to help me, & for just being there for me. I've honestly taken you for granted these past 17 years & I just wanna say I really do appreciate the little things you do - whether they're to make me smile or just to help me get through life. Love & miss you!